saltydad

Bad Domain Names

All of these are companies that didn't spend quite enough time considering how their online names might appear - and be misread...

1. Who Represents is where you can find the name of the agent that represents any celebrity. Their Web site is
Contact Celebrity Agents Lawyers Managers and Publicists - WhoRepresents?com - WhoRepresentscelebrity?com

2. Experts Exchange is a knowledge base where programmers can exchange Advice and views at
domain disabled

3. Looking for a pen? Look no further than Pen Island at
Welcome to Pen Island! The best pens on the internet!

4. Need a therapist? Try Therapist Finder at
Find a Therapist, Counseling Services, Marriage and Family Therapy Directory

5. There's the Italian Power Generator company,
www.powergenitalia.com

6. And don't forget the Mole Station Native Nursery in New South Wales,
molestationnursery.com

7. If you're looking for IP computer software, there's always
ipanywhere.com

8. The First Cumming Methodist Church Web site is
Cumming First

9. And the designers at Speed of Art await you at their wacky Web site,
Speed of Art website of Nigel Talamo

__________________
Men In Nursing- "A Few Good Men"

"Gardening is the purest of human pleasures." - Francis Bacon





"If by a liberal, they mean someone who looks ahead and not behind; someone who welcomes new ideas without rigid reactions; someone who cares about the welfare of the people, their health, their housing, their schools, their jobs, their civil rights, their civil liberties; someone who believes we can break through the stalemate and suspicion that grips us; that is what they meant by a liberal, I am proud to be a liberal."
John F. Kennedy, September, 1960


http://flickr.com/photos/saltydad/ and
http://community.webshots.com/user/saltydad
http://s751.photobucket.com/albums/xx151/saltydad/

Bob

Tog, thought I asked you not to tell!

__________________

Tog Tan

Tis the last time I am gonna lend you any $

__________________



____
Tog Tan has sadly suddenly passed away 6/16/09. We will miss you Tog Tan.

Bob

A young boy went up to his father and asked him, 'Dad, what is the difference between potentially' and 'realistically'?'




The father thought for a moment, then answered, 'Go ask your mother if she would sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars.




Then go ask your sister if she would sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars, and then go ask your brother if he'd sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars. Come back and tell me what you learn from that.




So the boy went to his mother and asked, 'Would you sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars?'

The mother replied, 'Of course I would! We could really use that money to fix up the house and send you kids to a great University!'




The boy then went to his sister and asked, 'Would you sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars?'




The girl replied, 'Oh my Gawd! I LOVE Brad Pitt I would sleep with him in a heartbeat, are you nuts?'




The boy then went to his brother and asked, 'Would you sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars?'




'Of course,' the brother replied. 'Do you know what a million bucks would buy?'




The boy pondered the answers for a few days and then went back to his dad.




His father asked him, 'Well, did you find out the difference between 'potentially' and 'realistically' ?'




The boy replied, 'Yes, 'Potentially', you and I are sitting on three million dollars .




But 'realistically', we're living with two whores and a homo.'

__________________

Tog Tan

A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager were walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp.

They rub it and a Genie comes out.

The Genie says, 'I'll give each of you just one wish.'

'Me first! Me first!' says the admin clerk. 'I want to be in the Bahamas ,
driving a speedboat, without a care in the world.' Puff! She's gone.

'Me next! Me next!' says the sales rep. 'I want to be in Hawaii ,
relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of
Pina Coladas and the love of my life.' Puff! He's gone.

'OK, you're up,' the Genie says to the manager.

The manager says, 'I want those two idiots back in the office after lunch.'

__________________



____
Tog Tan has sadly suddenly passed away 6/16/09. We will miss you Tog Tan.

buzzwinder

KITTENS
A three-year-old boy went with his dad to see a litter of kittens. On returning home, he breathlessly informed his mother, "There were two boy kittens and two girl kittens." "How did you know?" his mother asked. "Daddy picked them up and looked underneath," he replied. "I think it's printed on the bottom."

__________________


Bill for my friend

Chironex

Haha! Cute!

__________________
Scot

Richard

New dog breeds:

Collie + Lhasa Apso = Collapso, a dog that folds up for easy transport
Spitz + Chow Chow = Spitz Chow, a dog that throws up a lot
Pointer + Setter = Poinsetter, a traditional Christmas pet
Great Pyrenees + Dachshund = Pyradachs, a puzzling breed
Pekingese + Lhasa Apso = Peekasso, an abstract dog
Irish Water Spaniel + English Springer Spaniel = Irish Springer, a dog fresh and clean as a whistle
Labrador Retriever + Curly Coated Retriever = Lab Coat Retriever, the choice of research scientists
Newfoundland + Basset Hound = Newfound Asset Hound, a dog for financial advisors
Terrier + Bulldog = Terribull, a dog that makes awful mistakes
Bloodhound + Labrador = Blabador, a dog that barks incessantly
Malamute + Pointer = Moot Point, owned by....oh, well, it doesn't matter anyway
Collie + Malamute = Commute, a dog that travels to work
Deerhound + Terrier = Derriere, a dog that's true to the end
Bull Terrier + ****zu = Bull ****zu, a gregarious but unreliable breed

__________________
Back in business at plantsthatproduce.com

buzzwinder

LIFE SPANS
God created the dog and said, "Sit all day by the door of your house and bark at anyone that comes in or walks past. For this, I will give you a life span of 20 years." The dog said, "That's a long time to be barking. How about only 10 years and I'll give you back the other 10?" God agreed. On the second day, God created the monkey and said, "Entertain people, do tricks, and make them laugh. For this, I'll give you a 20-year life span." The monkey said, "Monkey tricks for 20 years? That's a pretty long time to perform. How about I give you back 10 like the dog did?" God agreed. On the third day, God created the cow and said, "You must go into the field with the farmer all day long and suffer under the sun, have calves and give milk to support the farmer's family. For this, I will give you a life span of 60 years." The cow said, "That's kind of a tough life you want me to live for 60 years. How about 20 and I'll give back the other 40?" God agreed again. On the fourth day, God created man and said, "Eat, sleep, play, marry and enjoy your life. For this, I'll give you 20 years." But man said, "Only 20 years? Could you possibly give me my 20, the 40 the cow gave back, the 10 the monkey gave back, and the 10 the dog gave back? That makes 80, okay?" "Okay," said God, "You asked for it." So, that's why, for our first 20 years, we eat, sleep, play and enjoy ourselves. For the next 40 years we slave in the sun to support our family. For the next 10 years we do monkey tricks to entertain the grandchildren. And for the last 10 years we sit on the front porch and bark at everyone.

__________________


Bill for my friend

Tog Tan

After 20 years of marriage, a couple was lying in bed one night with the lights off when the wife felt her husband begin to fondle her in ways he hadn't in quite some time.

It almost tickled as his fingers started at her neck, and then began moving past the small of her neck.

He then caressed her shoulders and neck, slowly worked his hand down over her breasts, stopping just over her lower stomach.

He then proceeded to place his hand on her left inner arm, caressed past the side of her breast again, working down her side, passed gently over her buttock and down her leg to her calf. Then he proceeded up her inner thigh, stopping just at the uppermost position on her right side, then suddenly stopped, rolled over and started to watch the TV.

As she had become quite aroused by his caressing, she asked in a soft sexy voice, "That was wonderful, why did you stop?"

He said, "I found the remote."

THEN; the remote was smashed, the TV was smashed and his face was smashed......

__________________



____
Tog Tan has sadly suddenly passed away 6/16/09. We will miss you Tog Tan.

bencelest

In the beginning, God created the Heavens and the Earth and populated the Earth with broccoli, cauliflower and spinach, green and yellow and red vegetables of all kinds, so Man and Woman would live long and healthy lives.


Then using God's great gifts, Satan created Ben and Jerry's Ice Cream and Krispy Creme Donuts. And Satan said, "You want chocolate with that?" And Man said, "Yes!" and Woman said, "and as long as you're at it, add some sprinkles." And they gained 10 pounds. And Satan smiled.





And God created the healthful yogurt that Woman might keep the figure that Man found so fair. And Satan brought forth white flour from the wheat, and sugar from the cane and combined them. And Woman went from size 6 to size 14.





So God said, "Try my fresh green salad." And Satan presented Thousand-Island Dressing, buttery croutons and garlic toast on the side. And Man and Woman unfastened their belts following the repast.





God then said, "I have sent you heart healthy vegetables and olive oil in which to cook them." And Satan brought forth deep fried fish and chicken-fried steak so big it needed its own platter. And Man gained more weight and his cholesterol went through the roof.





God then created a light, fluffy white cake, named it "Angel Food Cake," and said, "It is good." Satan then created chocolate cake and named it "Devil's Food."





God then brought forth running shoes so that His children might lose those extra pounds. And Satan gave cable TV with a remote control so Man would not have to toil changing the channels. And Man and Woman laughed and cried before the flickering blue light and gained pounds.





Then God brought forth the potato, naturally low in fat and brimming with nutrition. And Satan peeled off the healthful skin and sliced the starchy center into chips and deep-fried them. And Man gained pounds.





God then gave lean beef so that Man might consume fewer calories and still satisfy his appetite. And Satan created McDonald's and its 99-cent double cheeseburger. Then said, "! You want fries with that?" And Man replied, "Yes! And super size them!" And Satan said, "It is good." And Man went into cardiac arrest.





God sighed and created quadruple bypass surgery.





Then Satan created HMOs.





Thought for the day





There is more money being spent on breast implants and Viagra today than on Alzheimer's research. This means that by
2040, there should be a large elderly population with perky boobs and huge erections and absolutely no recollection of what to do with them.

__________________
Banana Nut

buzzwinder

Bob, a 70-year-old, extremely wealthy widower, shows up at the Country Club with a breathtakingly beautiful and very sexy 25-year-old blonde-haired woman who knocks everyone's socks off with her youthful sex appeal and charm and who hangs over Bob's arm and listens intently to his every word. His buddies at the club are all aghast. At the very first chance, they corner him and ask, 'Bob, how'd you get the trophy girlfriend?' Bob replies, 'Girlfriend? She's my wife!' They are knocked over, but continue to ask. 'So, how'd you persuade her to marry you?' 'I lied about my age', Bob replies. 'What, did you tell her you were only 50?' Bob smiles and says, 'No, I told her I was 90.'

__________________


Bill for my friend

Tog Tan

The Lone Ranger and Tonto were sleeping in the prairie after a long day of chasing some bad guys.

In a rasp voice Tonto said, "Kemosabe, wake up! You see the sky? Do you know what it means?"

Lone Ranger ; "Tonto, it means that such is God's great creation for mankind. Even in troubled times you can see such a beautiful display of heavenly lights. God has not forgotten to let us have peace even when we are troubled. God has..."

Tonto : "Shut the @#$#@ up you idiot, it means someone has stolen our tent!!!$#@#%@"

__________________



____
Tog Tan has sadly suddenly passed away 6/16/09. We will miss you Tog Tan.

Caloosamusa

Richard, Buzzwinder, Tog Tan, Bencelest, Very Good!!! x 2 ^10!!!

Bob

Is it me or are ther a lot of Bobs in these jokes?

__________________

Tog Tan

Bob, thanks for bringing this up. From now on, I will make it a point to Bob every main character in all my future posts.
I hope you will receive extra 'naner Buck$ for it. Being a good friend, it's the least I can do to increase your fortune in this economical downtime.

__________________



____
Tog Tan has sadly suddenly passed away 6/16/09. We will miss you Tog Tan.

Lagniappe

Bill Gates, The Dalai Lama, President Obama, and Bob were on a plane.
The captain announced that [the plane] was going down, and there were only 5 chutes,Two of which were for him and the co-pilot, so they would need to work out the logistics between themselves.
Bill Gates stood, grabbed a chute and said "I'm the smartest man in the world and the world needs me", then jumped. President Obama grabbed one and said "I'm the leader of the greatest nation on earth, I'm needed as well" and jumped.
The dalai lama said to Bob " Bob,my friend, I have lived many years and wil come back to live another fruitful life. You are still young and have many roads to travel. I want you to take the last chute." To this Bob replied "Don't sweat it, dude, the smartest man in the world just jumped with my back pack ".

saltydad

Never count out the 'aged'-lol!!!
An elderly man in Illinois had owned a farm for
many Years. He had a large pond in the back. It was properly shaped for swimming, so
Shawn fixed it up nice with pic nic tables,
and some apple, and peach trees
One evening old Shawn decided to go down to the pond, as he Hadn't
been there for a while, and look it over. He grabbed a Five-gallon
bucket to bring back some fruit.
As Shawn neared the pond, he heard voices laughing. As he came closer, he saw it was a bunch of young women Skinny-dipping in his pond. He made the women aware of his presence
and they all went to the deep end One of the women shouted to him, 'we're not coming out until you leave!' Shawn frowned, 'I didn't come down here to watch you ladies swim
naked or make you get out of the pond naked.'
Holding the bucket up he said, 'I'm here to
feed the alligator.'



Some old men can still think fast.

__________________
Men In Nursing- "A Few Good Men"

"Gardening is the purest of human pleasures." - Francis Bacon





"If by a liberal, they mean someone who looks ahead and not behind; someone who welcomes new ideas without rigid reactions; someone who cares about the welfare of the people, their health, their housing, their schools, their jobs, their civil rights, their civil liberties; someone who believes we can break through the stalemate and suspicion that grips us; that is what they meant by a liberal, I am proud to be a liberal."
John F. Kennedy, September, 1960


http://flickr.com/photos/saltydad/ and
http://community.webshots.com/user/saltydad
http://s751.photobucket.com/albums/xx151/saltydad/

saltydad

A mother
is driving her little girl to her friend's house for a play date.

' Mommy ,' the little girl asks, 'how old are you?'

'Honey, you are not supposed to ask a lady her age,' the mother replied. 'It's not polite.'

'OK', the little girl says,
'How much do you weigh?'

'Now really,' the mother says,
'those are personal questions and are really none of your business.'

Undaunted, the little girl asks, 'Why did you and Daddy get a divorce?'

'That's enough questions, young lady! Honestly!'

The exasperated mother walks away as the two friends begin to play.

' My Mom won't tell me anything about her,' the little girl says to her friend.

'Well,' says the friend,
'all you need to do is look at her driver's license. It's like a report card, it has everything on it.'

Later that night the little girl says to her mother, 'I know how old you are. You are 32.'

The mother is surprised and asks,
'How did you find that out?

'I also know that you weigh 130 pounds.'

The mother is past surprised and shocked now. 'How in Heaven's name did you find that out?'

'And,' the little girl says triumphantly, 'I know why you and daddy got a divorce.'

'Oh really?' the mother asks. 'Why?'







'Because you got an F in sex.'

__________________
Men In Nursing- "A Few Good Men"

"Gardening is the purest of human pleasures." - Francis Bacon





"If by a liberal, they mean someone who looks ahead and not behind; someone who welcomes new ideas without rigid reactions; someone who cares about the welfare of the people, their health, their housing, their schools, their jobs, their civil rights, their civil liberties; someone who believes we can break through the stalemate and suspicion that grips us; that is what they meant by a liberal, I am proud to be a liberal."
John F. Kennedy, September, 1960


http://flickr.com/photos/saltydad/ and
http://community.webshots.com/user/saltydad
http://s751.photobucket.com/albums/xx151/saltydad/

saltydad

Church Humor

little boy was attending his first wedding.
After the service, his cousin asked him, "How many women can a man marry?"
"Sixteen," the boy responded. His cousin was amazed that he had an answer so quickly by "How do you know that?"
"Easy," the little boy said.
"All you have to do is add it up, like the Bishop said,
4 better, 4 worse, 4 richer, 4 poorer."
______________________________








After a church service on Sunday morning, a young boy suddenly announced to his mother, "Mom, I've decided to become a minister when I grow up."

"That's okay with us, but"That's okay with us, but what made you decide that?"

"Well," said the little boy, "I have to go to church on Sunday anyway, and I figure it will be more fun to stand up and yell, than to sit and listen."

______________________________
A 6-year-old was overheard reciti
ng the Lord's Prayer at a church
service, "And forgive us our trash passes, as we forgive those who passed trash against us."

______________________________
A boy was watching his father, a pastor, write a sermon.
"How do you know what to say?" he asked.
"Why, God tells me."
"Oh, then why do you keep crossing things out?"

______________________________

A little girl became restless as the preacher's sermon dragged on and on. Finally, she leaned over to her mother and whispered, "Mommy, if we give him the money now, will he let us go?"

______________________________

After the christening of his baby brother in church, little Johnny sobbed all the way home in the back seat of the car. His father asked him three times what was wrong.
Finally, the boy replied, "That priest said he wanted us brought up in a Christian home, and I want to stay with you guys!"

______________________________
Terri asked her Sunday School class to draw pictures of their favorite Bible stories. She was puzzled by Kyle's picture, which showed four people on an airplane, so she asked him which story it was meant to represent.
"The Flight to Egypt ," was his reply.
Pointing at each figure, Ms. Terri said, "That must be Mary, Joseph, and Baby Jesus. But who's the fourth person?"
"Oh, that's Pontius - the pilot!"
______________________________

The Sunday School Teacher asks, "Now, Johnny, tell me frankly do you=2 0 say prayers before eating?"
"No sir," little Johnny replies, I don't have to.
My mom is a good cook."

______________________________
A college drama group presented a play in which one character would stand on a trap door and announce, "I descend into hell!"
A stagehand below would then pull a rope, the trapdoor would spring, and the actor would drop from view.
The play was well received. When the actor playing the part became ill, another actor who was quite overweight took his place. When the new actor announced, "I descend into hell!" the stagehand pulled the rope, and the actor began his plunge, but became hopelessly stuck. No amount of tugging on the rope could make him descend.
One student in the balcony jumped up and yelled:
"Hallelujah! Hell is full!"

______________________________

This is the best one.
A little girl was sitting on her grandfather's lap as he read her a bedtime story.
From time to time, she would take her eyes off the book and reach up to touch his wrinkled cheek. She was alternately stroking her own cheek, then his again.
Finally she spoke up, "Grandpa, did God make you?"
"Yes, sweetheart," he answered, "God made me a long time ago."
"Oh," she paused, "grandpa, did God make me too?"
"Yes, indeed, honey," he said, "God made you just a little while ago."
Feeling their respective faces again, she observed, "God's getting better at it, isn't he ?"

__________________
Men In Nursing- "A Few Good Men"

"Gardening is the purest of human pleasures." - Francis Bacon





"If by a liberal, they mean someone who looks ahead and not behind; someone who welcomes new ideas without rigid reactions; someone who cares about the welfare of the people, their health, their housing, their schools, their jobs, their civil rights, their civil liberties; someone who believes we can break through the stalemate and suspicion that grips us; that is what they meant by a liberal, I am proud to be a liberal."
John F. Kennedy, September, 1960


http://flickr.com/photos/saltydad/ and
http://community.webshots.com/user/saltydad
http://s751.photobucket.com/albums/xx151/saltydad/