SteveW17

Got it - Thanks.

-S.

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Tog Tan

The two gentlemen were talking, and one said, 'Last night we went out to a new restaurant and it was really great I would recommend it very highly.'

The other man said, 'What is the name of the restaurant?'

The first man thought and thought and finally said, 'What is the name of that flower you give to someone you love?

You know... The one that's red and has thorns.'

'Do you mean a rose?'

'Yes, that's the one,' replied the man. He then turned towards the kitchen and yelled, 'Rose, what's the name of that restaurant we went to last night?'

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Tog Tan has sadly suddenly passed away 6/16/09. We will miss you Tog Tan.

chong

I forgot that there is that icon, but because when I click that Utube icon, it defaults to "Wrap Tags around Selected Text", what I do is just copy the URL of the video and paste it on the field of text in the response. I did try to insert the video first, after uploading it into my gallery, but that didn't work.

chong

What starts with "F" and ends with "K" test

A first-grade teacher, Ms. Brooks, was having trouble with one of her students. The teacher asked, 'Harry, what's your problem?'



Harry answered, 'I'm too smart for the 1st grade. My sister is in the 3rd grade and I'm smarter than she is! I think I should be in the 3rd grade too!'



Ms. Brooks had had enough. She took Harry to the principal's office.


While Harry waited in the outer office, the teacher explained to the principal what the situation was. The principal told Ms. Brooks he would give the boy a test. If he failed to answer any of his questions he was to go back to the 1st grade and behave. She agreed.

Harry was brought in and the conditions were explained to him and he agreed to take the test.



Principal: 'What is 3 x 3?'

Harry: '9.'


Principal: 'What is 6 x 6?'

Harry: '36.'

And so it went with every question the principal thought a 3rd grader should know.

The principal looks at Ms. Brooks and tells her, 'I think Harry can go to the 3rd grade.'


Ms. Brooks says to the principal, 'Let me ask him some questions.'

The principal and Harry both agreed.



Ms Brooks asks, 'What does a cow have four of that I have only two of?'



Harry, after a moment: 'Legs.'



Ms Brooks: 'What is in your pants that you have but I do not have?'

The principal wondered why she would ask such a question!



Harry replied: 'Pockets.'


Ms. Brooks: 'What does a dog do that a man steps into?'



Harry: 'Pants.'


Ms. Brooks: What starts with a 'C', ends with a 'T', is hairy, oval, delicious and contains thin, whitish liquid?'



Harry: 'Coconut.'


The principal sat forward with his mouth hanging open.

Ms. Brooks: 'What goes in hard and pink then comes out soft and sticky?'


The principal's eyes opened really wide and before he could stop the answer, Harry replied, 'Bubble gum.'



Ms. Brooks: 'What does a man do standing up, a woman does sitting down and a dog does on three legs?'

Harry: 'Shake hands.'





Ms. Brooks: 'What word starts with an 'F' and ends in 'K' that means a lot of heat and excitement?'

The principal was trembling.




Harry: 'Firetruck.'



The principal breathed a sigh of relief and told the teacher,


'Put Harry in the fifth-grade, I got the last seven questions wrong.....'

Caloosamusa

Lorax, Tog, and Chong, Excellent!!! :-) !!!

buzzwinder

A man walks into a restaurant with a full-grown ostrich behind him. The waitress asks them for their orders.

The man says, 'A hamburger, fries and a coke,' and turns to the ostrich, 'What's yours?'

'I'll have the same,' says the ostrich.

A short time later the waitress returns with the order 'That will be $9.40 please,' and the man reaches into his pocket and pulls out the exact change for payment.

The next day, the man and the ostrich come again and the man says, 'A hamburger, fries and a coke.'

The ostrich says, 'I'll have the same.'

Again the man reaches into his pocket and pays with exact change.

This becomes routine until the two enter again. 'The usual?' asks the waitress.

'No, this is Friday night, so I will have a steak, baked potato and a salad,' says the man.

'Same,' says the ostrich.

Shortly the waitress brings the order and says, 'That will be $32.62.'

Once again the man pulls the exact change out of his pocket and places it on the table.

The waitress cannot hold back her curiosity any longer. 'Excuse me, sir. How do you manage to always come up with the exact change in your pocket every time?'

'Well,' says the man, 'several years ago I was cleaning the attic and found an old lamp. When I rubbed it, a Genie appeared and offered me two wishes. My first wish was that if I ever had to pay for anything, I would just put my hand in my pocket and the right amount of money would always be there.'

'That's brilliant!' says the waitress. 'Most people would ask for a million dollars or something, but you'll always be as rich as you want for as long as you live!'

'That's right. Whether it's a gallon of milk or a Rolls Royce, the exact money is always there,' says the man..

The waitress asks, 'What's with the ostrich?'

The man sighs, pauses and answers, 'My second wish was for a tall chick with a big butt and long legs who agrees with everything I say.'

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Bill for my friend

Tog Tan

A man was telling his neighbor, 'I just bought a new hearing aid. It cost me four thousand dollars, but it's state of the art. It's perfect.'

'Really,' answered the neighbor . 'What kind is it?'

'Twelve thirty.'

__________________



____
Tog Tan has sadly suddenly passed away 6/16/09. We will miss you Tog Tan.

momoese

The Italian Tomato Garden

An old Italian lived alone in New Jersey. He wanted to plant his
annual tomato garden, but it was very difficult work, as the ground was
hard.

His only son, Vincent, who used to help him, was in prison. The old
man wrote a letter to his son and described his predicament:

Dear Vincent,
I am feeling pretty sad, because it looks like I won't be able
to plant my tomato garden this year. I'm just getting too old to be
digging up a garden plot. I know if you were here my troubles would
be
over.. I know you would be happy to dig the plot for me, like in
the old days.

Love, Papa


A few days later he received a letter from his son.


Dear Pop,
Don't dig up that garden. That's where the bodies are buried.

Love, Vinnie

At 4 a.m. the next morning, FBI agents and local police arrived and
dug up the entire area without finding any bodies. They apologized to the
old man and left.

That same day the old man received another letter from his son.
Dear Pop,
Go ahead and plant the tomatoes now. That's the best I could do
under the circumstances.

Love you, Vinnie

NotherNana

great joke!!!! I'm still laughing as I tell my wife this...thanks M
Gino

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www.ginodiavonti.com/text/sculpture.html

Tog Tan

If Adam and Eve were Chinese, we would still be in paradise because they
would have ignored the apple and eaten the snake

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____
Tog Tan has sadly suddenly passed away 6/16/09. We will miss you Tog Tan.

Bob

Tog and Mitchel, those are both hysterical only because they're true. ....good ones.

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NotherNana

THE MIRACLE OF TOILET PAPER

Fresh from the shower, she stands in front of the mirror complaining to her
husband that her breasts are too small. Instead of characteristically
telling her it's not so, he uncharacteristically comes up with a suggestion.

If you want your breasts to grow, then every day take a piece of toilet
paper and rub it between them for a few seconds.'
Willing to try anything, she fetchs a piece of toilet paper and stands in
front of the mirror, rubbing it between her breasts. 'How long will
this take?' she asked.

They will grow larger over a period of years,' her husband replies. She
stopped. 'Do you really think rubbing a piece of toilet paper between
my breasts every day will make my breasts larger over the years?' Without
missing a beat he says, 'Worked for your ass, didn't it?'

Gino

__________________
www.ginodiavonti.com/text/sculpture.html

Tog Tan

WHAT CAUSES ARTHRITIS?

A drunk man who smelled like beer sat down on a subway next to a priest.
The man's tie was stained, his face was plastered with red lipstick, and a half-empty bottle of gin was sticking out of his torn coat pocket. He opened his newspaper and began reading.

After a few minutes the man turned to the priest and asked, "Say Father,
what causes arthritis?"

The priest replies, "My Son, it's caused by loose living, being with cheap, wicked women, too much alcohol, contempt for your fellow man,
sleeping around with prostitutes and lack of a bath."

The drunk muttered in response, "Well, I'll be damned, " Then returned to his paper.

The priest, thinking about what he had said, nudged the man and apologized. "I'm very sorry. I didn't mean to come on so strong. How long
have you had arthritis?"

The drunk answered, "I don't have it, Father. I was just reading here
that the Pope does."

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____
Tog Tan has sadly suddenly passed away 6/16/09. We will miss you Tog Tan.

saltydad

__________________
Men In Nursing- "A Few Good Men"

"Gardening is the purest of human pleasures." - Francis Bacon





"If by a liberal, they mean someone who looks ahead and not behind; someone who welcomes new ideas without rigid reactions; someone who cares about the welfare of the people, their health, their housing, their schools, their jobs, their civil rights, their civil liberties; someone who believes we can break through the stalemate and suspicion that grips us; that is what they meant by a liberal, I am proud to be a liberal."
John F. Kennedy, September, 1960


http://flickr.com/photos/saltydad/ and
http://community.webshots.com/user/saltydad
http://s751.photobucket.com/albums/xx151/saltydad/

Tog Tan

A husband and wife were having dinner at a very fine restaurant when this absolutely stunning young woman comes over to their table, gives the husband a big kiss, says she'll see him later and walks away.

His wife glares at him and says, "Who the hell was that?"

"Oh," replies the husband, "she's my mistress."
"Well, that's the last straw," says the wife. "I've had enough, I want a divorce."

"I can understand that," replies her husband, "but remember, if we get a divorce it means that you don't get any more shopping trips to Paris.
No more wintering in Barbados, no more summers in Tuscany, no more Ferraris and Lexuses in the garage and no more yacht club.
But the decision is yours."

Just then, a mutual friend enters the restaurant with a gorgeous babe on his arm.

"Who's that woman with Jim?" asks the wife.

"That's his mistress", says her husband.

"Ours is prettier", she replies.

__________________



____
Tog Tan has sadly suddenly passed away 6/16/09. We will miss you Tog Tan.

lorax

A grasshopper walks into the bar.

The bartender looks at him, grins, and says "Hey buddy, we have a drink named after you!"

The grasshopper blinks slowly, and says....

"You mean you have a drink called Bob?"

NotherNana

God was just about done creating humans, when he realized he had 2 parts left over.

He couldn't decide how to split them up between the two sexes, so just decided he'd direrctly ask them.

He told them one of the things he had left would allow it's owner to 'pee' while standing up.

Adam instantly jumped up and begged for this.
Me! Me! Oh pleeaasseee give this to ME! Give it to me!!! He went on and on like an excited little child.

Eve just smiled and said to God, if Adam wanted it that badly he could have it. So God acknowledged, and gave Adam the 'thing that pees standing up'....

Adam was so excited he just started whizzing all over the place, first on a rock, then he wrote his name in the sand, then he aimed at a stump 10 feet away, laughing all the while...

God and Eve watched him in his amusement, when God turned to Eve and said, 'well, i guess you get the last part I have left'


'What's it called,' asked Eve?

'Brains'...said God.

__________________
www.ginodiavonti.com/text/sculpture.html

NotherNana

One evening a husband, thinking he was being funny, said to his wife, 'Perhaps we should start washing your clothes in 'Slim Fast'. Maybe it would take a few inches off of your butt!'

His wife was not amused, and decided that she simply couldn't let such a comment go unrewarded.

The next morning the husband took a pair of underwear out of his drawer. 'What the heck is this?' he said to himself as a little 'dust' cloud appeared when he shook them out.

'April', he hollered into the bathroom, 'Why did you put talcum powder in my underwear?'

She replied with a snicker. 'It's not talcum powder; it's 'Miracle Grow'!!!!! !

__________________
www.ginodiavonti.com/text/sculpture.html

NotherNana

American Government and 'The People'

__________________
www.ginodiavonti.com/text/sculpture.html

saltydad

Subject: Fw: Grandma's Boyfriend


Grandma's Boyfriend

A 5-year-old boy went to visit his grandmother one day. Playing with his toys in her bedroom while grandma was dusting, he looked up and said, 'Grandma, how come you don't have a boyfriend now that Grandpa went to heaven?'

Grandma replied, 'Honey, my TV is my boyfriend. I can sit in my bedroom and watch it all day long. The religious programs make me feel good and the comedies make me laugh. I'm happy with my TV as my boyfriend.'

Grandma turned on the TV, and the reception was terrible. She started adjusting the knobs, trying to get the picture in focus. Frustrated, she started hitting the backside of the TV hoping to fix the problem.

The little boy heard the doorbell ring, so he hurried to open the door and there stood G grandma's minister. The minister said, 'Hello son, is your Grandma home?'

The little boy replied, 'Yeah, she's in the bedroom bangin' her boyfriend.'

The minister fainted.

__________________
Men In Nursing- "A Few Good Men"

"Gardening is the purest of human pleasures." - Francis Bacon





"If by a liberal, they mean someone who looks ahead and not behind; someone who welcomes new ideas without rigid reactions; someone who cares about the welfare of the people, their health, their housing, their schools, their jobs, their civil rights, their civil liberties; someone who believes we can break through the stalemate and suspicion that grips us; that is what they meant by a liberal, I am proud to be a liberal."
John F. Kennedy, September, 1960


http://flickr.com/photos/saltydad/ and
http://community.webshots.com/user/saltydad
http://s751.photobucket.com/albums/xx151/saltydad/