Adults Only Humor - Page 5

Patty in Wisc · 06-04-2009, 04:09 PM

The Three Stages OF A Man's Life

SINGLE

MARRIED

DIVORCED

Sorry guys, but the 2nd pic made me ROAR laughing

Tog Tan · 06-05-2009, 12:08 PM

The American Government funded a study to see why the head of a man's penis was larger than the shaft. After 1 year and $180,000, they concluded that the reason that the head was larger than the shaft was to give the man more pleasure during sex.

After the US published the study, the French decided to do they're own study. After $250,000 and 3 years of research, they concluded that the reason the head was larger than the shaft was to give the woman more pleasure during sex.

Australians, unsatisfied with these findings, conducted their own study. After 2 weeks, a cost of around $75.46, and 2 cases of beer, they concluded that it was to keep a man's hand from flying off and hitting himself in the forehead.

Patty in Wisc · 06-05-2009, 01:50 PM

Tog Tan · 06-05-2009, 02:08 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Patty in Wisc

I think it's true cos otherwise there will be an enormous number of swollen headed teen age boys growing into big swollen headed adults.....with permanent black eyes, broken noses, smashed teeth....partial blindness due to ruptured eyeballs...

john_ny · 06-06-2009, 01:27 PM

Good one, Tog.

Patty in Wisc · 06-06-2009, 02:10 PM

A good comeback...

A man was sunbathing naked at the beach. For the sake of civility, and to keep it from getting sunburned, he had a hat over his private parts.

A woman walks past and says, snickering, "If you were a gentleman you'd lift your hat."

He raised an eyebrow and replied, "If you weren't so ugly it would lift itself."

Scuba_Dave · 06-06-2009, 06:53 PM

A young man is walking a tightrope between 2 huge skyscrapers

Another young man has a 90 year old lady with her head between his legs, dentures out & going to Town

Both men are thinking the same thing
What are they thinking?

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Don't look down
Don't look down

Tog Tan · 06-08-2009, 01:04 PM

Diary of a man.....

1. When I was born, I got a choice - A big dick or a good memory. I'm unable to remember what I chose.

2. Your birth certificate is an apology letter from the condom factory.

3. A wife is a sex object. Every time you ask for sex, she objects.

4. Impotence: It's nature's way of saying "no hard feelings".

5. There are only two four letter words that are offensive to men - "don't" and "stop"; unless they are used together.

6. Panties are not the best thing on earth, but next to the best thing on earth.

7. There are three stages to sex in a person's life: Tri Weekly, Try Weekly, and Try Weakly.

8. Virginity can be cured.

9. Virginity is not dignity; it's a lack of opportunity.

10. Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand.

11. I tried phone sex once, but the holes in the dialer were too small.

12. Marriage is the only war where you get to sleep with the enemy.

13. Q: What's an Australian kiss? A: The same thing as a French kiss; only down under.

14. A newly married couple were happy with the "whole thing". He was happy with the Hole and she was happy with the Thing!

15. Q: What are the three biggest tragedies in a man's life? A: Life sucks, job sucks and the wife doesn't.

16. Q: What's the difference between a bitch and a whore? A: A whore sleeps with everyone at the party and a bitch
sleeps with everyone except you.

17. Q: Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact ? A: Breasts don't have eyes.

18. Of course you've heard about the Viagra computer virus; it turns your 3 1/2 inch floppy into a hard disk.

19. Despite the old saying, "Don't take your troubles to bed", many men still sleep with their wives!!!

saltydad · 06-11-2009, 04:57 PM

Boobs in Church

There was this small church down in Texas that had a very big-busted organist. Her breasts were so huge that they bounced and jiggled while she played the organ. Unfortunately, she distracted the congregation considerably. The very proper church ladies were appalled. They said something had to be done about this or they would have to get another organist.

So, one of the ladies approached her very discreetly and told her to mash up some green persimmons and rub them on the nipples of her breasts and maybe they would shrink in size, but warned her not to eat any of the green persimmons, though, 'because they are so sour they will make your mouth pucker up and you won't be able to talk properly for a while'.

She agreed to try it.

The following Sunday morning the minister got up in the pulpit and said...

'Dew to thircumsthanthis bewond my contwol, we will not hath a thermon tewday.'

Patty in Wisc · 06-11-2009, 10:01 PM

Two guys walking down a street noticing a dog licking himself. One guy said "geeze, I wish I could do that". The other guy said "I tried that once and the dog bit me".

Tog Tan · 06-12-2009, 08:35 AM

A man is in bed with his Thai girlfriend.

After having great sex, she spends the next hour just stroking his tool, something she had lovingly done on many occasions.

Rather enjoying it, he turns and asks her, "Why do you love doing that?"

She replies: "Because I really miss mine".

Lagniappe · 06-17-2009, 06:49 PM

Musa 'Florida Variegate' from Thailand. I wanted to post a pic when it first arrived, but thought it was too nasty looking. If I had thought of it then, I would have posted on this thread.

saltydad · 06-18-2009, 05:34 PM

Here's one our dear friend Tog would have enjoyed:

YouTube - Cialis spoof

Patty in Wisc · 06-18-2009, 07:47 PM

Pete, where do the batteries go??

chong · 06-18-2009, 10:21 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Patty in Wisc

Pete, where do the batteries go??

I think that this one is a hand job. No batteries required.

mskitty38583 · 06-19-2009, 12:14 AM

wonder if cialis would work on "producing " more nanas???

buzzwinder · 06-19-2009, 12:22 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by mskitty38583

wonder if cialis would work on "producing " more nanas???

Only if You decide the time is right, as life has it's little interuptions.

isn't that what the commercial says?

mskitty38583 · 06-19-2009, 08:42 AM

LOLOLOLOLOLOL!

Lagniappe · 06-19-2009, 05:31 PM

I give you "Lycopersicon mammilliform".

Patty in Wisc · 06-26-2009, 10:47 AM

A little boy says to his mother, " Mommy, how come I'm black and you're white?"
His mother replied, "Don't even go there! From what I can remember about that party, you're lucky you don't bark!

06-04-2009, 04:09 PM	#81 (permalink)
Patty in Wisc tropical nut Patty in Wisc's Photo Gallery Zone: 5 Join Date: Sep 2006 Posts: 3,115 BananaBucks : 432,052 Feedback: 1 / 100% Said "Thanks" 2,946 Times Was Thanked 2,510 Times in 1,203 Posts Said "Welcome to Bananas" 69 Times	Re: Adults Only Humor The Three Stages OF A Man's Life SINGLE MARRIED DIVORCED Sorry guys, but the 2nd pic made me ROAR laughing __________________ Got a lite? Patty ____ Patty in Wisc has sadly passed away 9/05/11. We will miss you Patty. Last edited by Patty in Wisc : 06-04-2009 at 04:19 PM.

06-05-2009, 12:08 PM	#82 (permalink)
Tog Tan Ensete nut Tog Tan's Photo Gallery Location: Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia Name: Tog Join Date: Jul 2008 Posts: 1,757 BananaBucks : 504,508 Feedback: 2 / 100% Said "Thanks" 1,011 Times Was Thanked 2,724 Times in 787 Posts Said "Welcome to Bananas" 204 Times	Re: Adults Only Humor The American Government funded a study to see why the head of a man's penis was larger than the shaft. After 1 year and $180,000, they concluded that the reason that the head was larger than the shaft was to give the man more pleasure during sex. After the US published the study, the French decided to do they're own study. After $250,000 and 3 years of research, they concluded that the reason the head was larger than the shaft was to give the woman more pleasure during sex. Australians, unsatisfied with these findings, conducted their own study. After 2 weeks, a cost of around $75.46, and 2 cases of beer, they concluded that it was to keep a man's hand from flying off and hitting himself in the forehead. __________________ ____ Tog Tan has sadly suddenly passed away 6/16/09. We will miss you Tog Tan.

06-05-2009, 01:50 PM	#83 (permalink)
Patty in Wisc tropical nut Patty in Wisc's Photo Gallery Zone: 5 Join Date: Sep 2006 Posts: 3,115 BananaBucks : 432,052 Feedback: 1 / 100% Said "Thanks" 2,946 Times Was Thanked 2,510 Times in 1,203 Posts Said "Welcome to Bananas" 69 Times	Re: Adults Only Humor __________________ Got a lite? Patty ____ Patty in Wisc has sadly passed away 9/05/11. We will miss you Patty.

06-06-2009, 01:27 PM	#85 (permalink)
john_ny Member john_ny's Photo Gallery Location: Staten Island, NY - southernmost county in NY State. Find me on the map! Zone: USDA7- Sunset34 Join Date: Jun 2007 Posts: 2,014 BananaBucks : 937,988 Feedback: 5 / 100% Said "Thanks" 1,057 Times Was Thanked 2,284 Times in 832 Posts Said "Welcome to Bananas" 37 Times	Re: Adults Only Humor Good one, Tog. __________________ John

06-06-2009, 02:10 PM	#86 (permalink)
Patty in Wisc tropical nut Patty in Wisc's Photo Gallery Zone: 5 Join Date: Sep 2006 Posts: 3,115 BananaBucks : 432,052 Feedback: 1 / 100% Said "Thanks" 2,946 Times Was Thanked 2,510 Times in 1,203 Posts Said "Welcome to Bananas" 69 Times	Re: Adults Only Humor A good comeback... A man was sunbathing naked at the beach. For the sake of civility, and to keep it from getting sunburned, he had a hat over his private parts. A woman walks past and says, snickering, "If you were a gentleman you'd lift your hat." He raised an eyebrow and replied, "If you weren't so ugly it would lift itself." __________________ Got a lite? Patty ____ Patty in Wisc has sadly passed away 9/05/11. We will miss you Patty.

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06-06-2009, 06:53 PM	#87 (permalink)
Scuba_Dave Location: South of Boston, MA Find me on the map! Zone: 6-7 Name: Dave Join Date: May 2009 Posts: 732 BananaBucks : 101,471 Feedback: 0 / 0% Said "Thanks" 501 Times Was Thanked 1,218 Times in 451 Posts Said "Welcome to Bananas" 2,414 Times	Re: Adults Only Humor A young man is walking a tightrope between 2 huge skyscrapers Another young man has a 90 year old lady with her head between his legs, dentures out & going to Town Both men are thinking the same thing What are they thinking? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Don't look down Don't look down

06-08-2009, 01:04 PM	#88 (permalink)
Tog Tan Ensete nut Tog Tan's Photo Gallery Location: Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia Name: Tog Join Date: Jul 2008 Posts: 1,757 BananaBucks : 504,508 Feedback: 2 / 100% Said "Thanks" 1,011 Times Was Thanked 2,724 Times in 787 Posts Said "Welcome to Bananas" 204 Times	Re: Adults Only Humor Diary of a man..... 1. When I was born, I got a choice - A big dick or a good memory. I'm unable to remember what I chose. 2. Your birth certificate is an apology letter from the condom factory. 3. A wife is a sex object. Every time you ask for sex, she objects. 4. Impotence: It's nature's way of saying "no hard feelings". 5. There are only two four letter words that are offensive to men - "don't" and "stop"; unless they are used together. 6. Panties are not the best thing on earth, but next to the best thing on earth. 7. There are three stages to sex in a person's life: Tri Weekly, Try Weekly, and Try Weakly. 8. Virginity can be cured. 9. Virginity is not dignity; it's a lack of opportunity. 10. Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand. 11. I tried phone sex once, but the holes in the dialer were too small. 12. Marriage is the only war where you get to sleep with the enemy. 13. Q: What's an Australian kiss? A: The same thing as a French kiss; only down under. 14. A newly married couple were happy with the "whole thing". He was happy with the Hole and she was happy with the Thing! 15. Q: What are the three biggest tragedies in a man's life? A: Life sucks, job sucks and the wife doesn't. 16. Q: What's the difference between a bitch and a whore? A: A whore sleeps with everyone at the party and a bitch sleeps with everyone except you. 17. Q: Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact ? A: Breasts don't have eyes. 18. Of course you've heard about the Viagra computer virus; it turns your 3 1/2 inch floppy into a hard disk. 19. Despite the old saying, "Don't take your troubles to bed", many men still sleep with their wives!!! __________________ ____ Tog Tan has sadly suddenly passed away 6/16/09. We will miss you Tog Tan.

06-11-2009, 10:01 PM	#90 (permalink)
Patty in Wisc tropical nut Patty in Wisc's Photo Gallery Zone: 5 Join Date: Sep 2006 Posts: 3,115 BananaBucks : 432,052 Feedback: 1 / 100% Said "Thanks" 2,946 Times Was Thanked 2,510 Times in 1,203 Posts Said "Welcome to Bananas" 69 Times	Re: Adults Only Humor Two guys walking down a street noticing a dog licking himself. One guy said "geeze, I wish I could do that". The other guy said "I tried that once and the dog bit me". __________________ Got a lite? Patty ____ Patty in Wisc has sadly passed away 9/05/11. We will miss you Patty.

06-12-2009, 08:35 AM	#91 (permalink)
Tog Tan Ensete nut Tog Tan's Photo Gallery Location: Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia Name: Tog Join Date: Jul 2008 Posts: 1,757 BananaBucks : 504,508 Feedback: 2 / 100% Said "Thanks" 1,011 Times Was Thanked 2,724 Times in 787 Posts Said "Welcome to Bananas" 204 Times	Re: Adults Only Humor A man is in bed with his Thai girlfriend. After having great sex, she spends the next hour just stroking his tool, something she had lovingly done on many occasions. Rather enjoying it, he turns and asks her, "Why do you love doing that?" She replies: "Because I really miss mine". __________________ ____ Tog Tan has sadly suddenly passed away 6/16/09. We will miss you Tog Tan.

06-17-2009, 06:49 PM	#92 (permalink)
Lagniappe Lagniappe's Photo Gallery Find me on the map! Join Date: Apr 2007 Posts: 2,111 BananaBucks : 319,651 Feedback: 22 / 100% Said "Thanks" 1,378 Times Was Thanked 1,402 Times in 558 Posts Said "Welcome to Bananas" 535 Times	Re: Adults Only Humor Musa 'Florida Variegate' from Thailand. I wanted to post a pic when it first arrived, but thought it was too nasty looking. If I had thought of it then, I would have posted on this thread.

06-18-2009, 07:47 PM	#94 (permalink)
Patty in Wisc tropical nut Patty in Wisc's Photo Gallery Zone: 5 Join Date: Sep 2006 Posts: 3,115 BananaBucks : 432,052 Feedback: 1 / 100% Said "Thanks" 2,946 Times Was Thanked 2,510 Times in 1,203 Posts Said "Welcome to Bananas" 69 Times	Re: Adults Only Humor Pete, where do the batteries go?? __________________ Got a lite? Patty ____ Patty in Wisc has sadly passed away 9/05/11. We will miss you Patty.

06-19-2009, 12:14 AM	#96 (permalink)
mskitty38583 banana junkie mskitty38583's Photo Gallery Location: north carolina Find me on the map! Zone: 7b Name: mskitty Join Date: Nov 2007 Posts: 4,071 BananaBucks : 333,382 Feedback: 26 / 100% Said "Thanks" 82 Times Was Thanked 890 Times in 617 Posts Said "Welcome to Bananas" 136 Times	Re: Adults Only Humor wonder if cialis would work on "producing " more nanas??? __________________ WELCOME TO THE GATOR NATION

06-19-2009, 08:42 AM	#98 (permalink)
mskitty38583 banana junkie mskitty38583's Photo Gallery Location: north carolina Find me on the map! Zone: 7b Name: mskitty Join Date: Nov 2007 Posts: 4,071 BananaBucks : 333,382 Feedback: 26 / 100% Said "Thanks" 82 Times Was Thanked 890 Times in 617 Posts Said "Welcome to Bananas" 136 Times	Re: Adults Only Humor LOLOLOLOLOLOL! __________________ WELCOME TO THE GATOR NATION

06-19-2009, 05:31 PM	#99 (permalink)
Lagniappe Lagniappe's Photo Gallery Find me on the map! Join Date: Apr 2007 Posts: 2,111 BananaBucks : 319,651 Feedback: 22 / 100% Said "Thanks" 1,378 Times Was Thanked 1,402 Times in 558 Posts Said "Welcome to Bananas" 535 Times	Re: Adults Only Humor I give you "Lycopersicon mammilliform".

06-26-2009, 10:47 AM	#100 (permalink)
Patty in Wisc tropical nut Patty in Wisc's Photo Gallery Zone: 5 Join Date: Sep 2006 Posts: 3,115 BananaBucks : 432,052 Feedback: 1 / 100% Said "Thanks" 2,946 Times Was Thanked 2,510 Times in 1,203 Posts Said "Welcome to Bananas" 69 Times	Re: Adults Only Humor A little boy says to his mother, " Mommy, how come I'm black and you're white?" His mother replied, "Don't even go there! From what I can remember about that party, you're lucky you don't bark! __________________ Got a lite? Patty ____ Patty in Wisc has sadly passed away 9/05/11. We will miss you Patty.

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