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Adults Only Humor
Some pharmaceutical humor....
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Re: Adults Only Humor
Howard ,you dirty dog! I'll have to show my wife , she's in peds gastroenerology.
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That's hilarious!
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LOL Howard. I got that in a email .. said it was for a viagra ad.
duh...it says viagra right on it...duh. |
Re: Adults Only Humor
Slightly blue humor…
A drunk walks out of a bar with a key in his hand and he is stumbling back and forth. A cop on the beat sees him and approaches, 'Can I help you Sir?' 'Yessh! Ssssomebody ssstole my carrr', the man replies. The cop asks, 'Where was your car the last time you saw it?' 'It wasss on the end of thisshh key', the man replies. About that time the cop looks down and sees the man's wiener hanging out of his fly for all the world to see. He asks the man, 'Sir are you aware that you are exposing yourself?' Momentarily confused, the drunk looks down at his crotch and without missing a beat, blurts out.... 'My girlfriend's gone, too!! |
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A RECENT STUDY FOUND OUT WHICH DAYS MEN PREFER TO HAVE SEX. IT WAS FOUND THAT MEN PREFERRED TO ENGAGE IN SEXUAL ACTIVITY ON THE DAYS THAT STARTED WITH THE LETTER 'T'.
EXAMPLES: TUESDAY THURSDAY TODAY TOMORROW THANKSGIVING THATURDAY THUNDAY ~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ A RECENT SURVEY WAS CONDUCTED ALSO TO DISCOVER WHY MEN GET OUT OF BED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT. HERE ARE THE SURVEY RESULTS: 5% SAID IT WAS TO GET A GLASS OF WATER 12% SAID IT WAS TO GO TO THE BATHROOM 83% SAID IT WAS TO GO HOME ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ THE PERFECT BREAKFAST...AS A MAN SEES IT..... YOU'RE SITTING AT THE TABLE AND YOUR SON IS ON THE COVER OF WHEATIES...... YOUR MISTRESS IS ON THE COVER OF PLAYBOY......... AND YOUR WIFE IS ON THE BACK OF THE MILK CARTON.AND YOUR WIFE IS ON THE BACK OF THE MILK CARTON. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ WHAT'S THE BEST FORM OF BIRTH CONTROL AFTER 50? NUDITY ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ What's the difference between a girlfriend and a wife? ABOUT 45 LBS. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ WHAT'S THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN A BOYFRIEND AND A HUSBAND? ABOUT 45 MINUTES ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ WHAT'S THE FASTEST WAY TO A MAN'S HEART? THROUGH HIS CHEST WITH A REALLY SHARP KNIFE ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ WHAT'S THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN A SOUTHERN ZOO AND A20NORTHERN ZOO? A SOUTHERN ZOO HAS A DESCRIPTION OF THE ANIMAL ON THE FRONT OF THE CAGE, ALONG WITH A RECIPE. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~ WHAT'S THE CUBAN NATIONAL ANTHEM? ROW, ROW, ROW YOUR BOAT........ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ WHAT'S THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN A NORTHERN FAIRYTALE AND A SOUTHERN FAIRYTALE ? A NORTHERN FAIRYTALE BEGINS 'ONCE UPON A TIME.....' AND A SOUTHERN FAIRY TALE BEGINS........... 'Y'ALL AIN'T GONNA BELIEVE THIS S--T.' |
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I was so depressed last night thinking about the current crisis with the economy, that I called Lifeline.
Got a freakin' call center in Pakistan. I told them I was suicidal. They got all excited and asked if I could drive a truck. |
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Howard, you're too much!
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Howard - you have my kind of humor!!
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Amen, Bill to that!!
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Better than a Flu Shot!
Miss Beatrice, the church organist, was in her eighties and had never been married. She was admired for her sweetness and kindness to all. One afternoon the pastor came to call on her and she showed him into her quaint sitting room. She invited him to have a seat while she prepared tea. As he sat facing her old the young minister noticed a cut-glass bowl sitting on top of it. The bowl was filled with water, and in the water floated, of all things, a condom! When she returned with tea and scones, they began to chat.! The pastor tried to stifle his curiosity about the bowl of water and its strange floater, but soon it got the better of him and he could no longer resist . 'Miss Beatrice', he said, 'I wonder if you would tell me about this?' pointing to the bowl. 'Oh, yes,' she replied, 'Isn't it wonderful? I was walking through the Park a few months ago and I found this little package on the ground. The directions said to place it on the organ, keep it wet and that it would prevent the spread of disease. Do you know I haven't had the flu all winter.' |
Re: Adults Only Humor
Next time you use a pair of rubber gloves, you're going to smile when you think of this:
A dentist noticed that his next patient, a little old lady, was nervous so he decided to tell her a little joke as he put on his gloves. "Do you know how they make these gloves?" he asked. "No, I don't," she replied. "Well," he spoofed, "there's a building in Canada with a big tank of latex and workers of all hand sizes walk up to the tank, dip in their hands, let them dry, then peel off the gloves and throw them into boxes of the right size." She didn't crack a smile. "Oh, well. I tried," he thought. But five minutes later, during a delicate portion of the procedure, she burst out laughing. "What's so funny?" he asked "I was just envisioning how condoms are made!" Gotta watch those little old ladies! Their minds are always working. |
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Mouseball replacement sent out from IBM " Actual Letter"
To: Whom it may concern > > Re: Replacement of mouse balls > > > If a mouse fails to operate or should it perform erratically, it may need a ball replacement > Mouse balls are now available as FRU (Field Replacement Units). Because of the delicate nature of this procedure, replacement of mouse balls should only be attempted by properly trained personnel. > Before proceeding, determine this type of mouse balls by examining the underside of the mouse. Domestic balls will be larger and harder than foreign balls. Ball removal procedures differ depending on the manufacturer of the mouse. Foreign balls can be replaced by using the pop off method. > Domestic balls are replaced by using the twist off method. Mouse balls are not usually static sensitive. However excessive handling can result in sudden discharge. > Upon completion of ball replacement, the mouse may be used immediately. > It is recommended that each person have a pair of spare balls for maintaining optimum customer satisfaction. > > Any customer missing his balls should contact the local personnel in charge of removing and replacing these necessary items. > > Please keep in mind that a customer without properly working balls is an unhappy customer. |
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AMEN to that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :ha::ha::ha::ha::ha::ha::ha: |
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Growing old is like shooting an air rifle with a broken arm. Sure, you can still do it, but you may need someone else to pump it up first.
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A married couple went to the hospital to have their baby delivered. Upon their arrival, the doctor said that the hospital was testing an amazing new high-tech machine that would transfer a portion of the mother's labor pain to the baby's father. He asked if they were interested, Both said they were very much in favor of it.
The doctor set the pain transfer to 10 percent for starters, explaining that even 10 percent was probably more pain than the father had ever experienced before. But as the labor progressed, the husband felt fine and asked the doctor to go ahead and kick it up a notch. The doctor then adjusted the machine to 20 percent pain transfer. The husband was still feeling fine. The doctor then checked the husband's blood pressure and was amazed at how well he was doing. At this point they decided to try for 50 percent. The husband continued to feel quite well. Since the pain transfer was obviously helping the wife considerably, the husband encouraged the doctor to transfer ALL the pain to him. The wife delivered a healthy baby with virtually no pain, and the husband had experienced none. She and her husband were ecstatic. When they got home they found the UPS man dead on the porch. |
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hehe ive heard this one before....and ironically it was when i worked at a UPS supply chain and solutions place :P
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