Dumb Jokes - Page 27

Patty in Wisc · 06-01-2010, 01:28 PM

He didn't like the casserole
And he didn't like my cake,
He said my biscuits were too hard
Not like his mother used to make.

I didn't perk the coffee right
He didn't like the stew,
I didn't mend his socks
The way his mother used to do.

I pondered for an answer
I was looking for a clue.
Then I turned around and
Smacked the sh*t out of him..
Like his mother used to do.

Jack Daw · 06-01-2010, 02:09 PM

Patty, lol.

Patty in Wisc · 06-01-2010, 05:17 PM

It was titled "A woman's poem" LOL

island cassie · 06-01-2010, 07:32 PM

Patty - go girl!!! So true! lol!

saltydad · 06-14-2010, 09:32 AM

> Subject: The Nun at Hooters
>
>
> The Nun in Hooters
>
>
>
> A nun, badly needing to use the restroom, walked into a local Hooters.
>
> The place was hopping with music and loud conversation and every once in a while "the lights would turn off." Each time the lights would go out, the place would erupt into cheers.
>
> However, when the revellers saw the nun, the room went dead silent. She walked up to the bartender, and asked, "May I please use the restroom?"
>
> The bartender replied, "OK, but should warn you that there is a statue of a naked man in there wearing only a fig leaf."
>
> "Well, in that case, I'll just look the other way," said the nun.
>
> So the bartender showed the nun to the back of the restaurant. After a few minutes, she came back out, and the whole place stopped just long enough to give the nun a loud round of applause.
>
> She went to the bartender and said........................... "Sir, I don't understand. Why did they applaud for me just because I went to the restroom?"
>
> "Well, now they know you're one of us," said the bartender,"Would you like a drink?"
>
>
>
> "No thank you, but, I still don't understand," said the puzzled nun.
>
> "You see," laughed the bartender, "every time someone lifts the fig leaf on that statue, the lights go out. Now, how about that drink?"
>

The Hollyberry Lady · 06-14-2010, 09:54 AM

Patty, it should have been called "the wanna-be woman's poem" or "the incompetent woman's poem". After all, some of us do know how to cook and look after our men!

Howard that is just hilarious!

Saw this pic this morning...

Too funny!

: )

Patty in Wisc · 06-22-2010, 03:12 PM

Amazingly Simple Home Remedies:

1. Avoid Cutting Yourself When Slicing Vegetables By Getting Someone Else To Hold The Vegetables While You Chop.

2. Avoid Arguments With The Females About Lifting The Toilet Seat By Using The Sink. It All Goes To The Same Place Anyway.

3. For High Blood Pressure Sufferers ~ Simply Cut Yourself And Bleed For A Few Minutes, Thus Reducing The Pressure On Your Veins. Even George Washington Did This! Remember To Use A Timer.

4. A Mouse Trap Placed On Top Of Your Alarm Clock Will Prevent You From Rolling Over And Going Back To Sleep After You Hit The Snooze Button.

5. If You Have A Bad Cough, Take A Large Dose Of Laxatives. Then You'll Be Afraid To Cough.

6. You Only Need Two Tools In Life - Wd-40 And Duct Tape. If It Doesn't Move And Should, Use The Wd-40. If It Shouldn't Move And Does, Use The Duct Tape.

7. If You Can't Fix It With A Hammer, You've Got An Electrical Problem.

Daily Thought:
Some People Are Like Slinkies - Not Really Good For Anything But They Bring A Smile To Your Face When Pushed Down The Stairs.

Jack Daw · 06-30-2010, 05:25 PM

So, one by one, pics describing the best you could've seen on the WC '10 (World Cup 2010

)

Jack Daw · 06-30-2010, 05:26 PM

Now when you get this one, you will be literally Rolling On Floor Laughing.

Keep smiling, for the best things in life are for free. Yet.

Jack Daw · 06-30-2010, 05:32 PM

And finally, the best goes last, this is the description of socialism, as one of our journalists wrote it several days ago (in celebration of defeating socialists here).

Socialism, definition:
1. Everybody has a job.
2. Although everybody has a job, nobody actually does anything.
3. Although nobody does anything, the plan is always fulfilled on more than 100%
4. Although the plan is fulfilled on more than 100%, there's an absolute lack of everything everywhere.
5. Although there's an absolute lack of everything everywhere, everybody has everything.
6. Although everybody has everything, everybody keeps stealing.
7. Although everybody keeps stealing, nothing actually disappears or is unaccounted for.

It's so confusing on purpose. Hope this brings some smile to your faces.

Jack Daw · 08-05-2010, 02:41 PM

Bump!!!

Look what made its way to our web news today... Eva Mendez. And I must say, it's not as dumb as one might think.

Ladies and gentlemen, here's Eva Mendez and her S.EX Tape.

Eva Mendes Sex Tape from Eva Mendes, Jake, and FOD Team - Video

supermario · 08-05-2010, 07:36 PM

This movie was aweful!..although this trailer makes it seem alot better than it really was. =)

YouTube - ‪The Wicker Man - Comedy Trailer‬‎

Jack Daw · 08-18-2010, 08:12 AM

Bump, again. I hope you liked my previous post (Eva Mendez's SE.X Tape).

And here's one really dumb joke. Dumb (naturally), joke (to more educated people)... you know, this happens, if you prefer backstage corruption of organizers and don't send a really beautiful and smart woman to MISS UNIVERSE 2010.

I honestly don't know whether to laugh or cry, just do both as you watch this... Ladies and Gentlemen, Miss Slovakia 2010 video for MISS UNIVERSE competition.

YouTube - Miss Universe - Slovak Republic

Jack Daw · 08-18-2010, 08:23 AM

OMG, Poland is even worse.

YouTube - Miss Universe - Poland

And another pearl from Sri Lanka. Sheesh, if they were horses, I would be afraid to let them out of the stall.

YouTube - Miss Universe - Sri Lanka

Patty in Wisc · 08-27-2010, 12:23 AM

Hey Jack, I 'resemble' these remarks & videos!!! I am Slovanian & Polish LOL
'resemble' is good as resent. JUST A PLAY ON WORDS,,, oops - hit the cap key.

Jack Daw · 08-27-2010, 06:44 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Patty in Wisc

Hey Jack, I 'resemble' these remarks & videos!!! I am Slovanian & Polish LOL
'resemble' is good as resent. JUST A PLAY ON WORDS,,, oops - hit the cap key.

Slovak, Slovenian or Slavic, Patty? It is a difference. Not big, but a difference.

Btw., this one's for Jarred:

Dalmatiansoap · 08-27-2010, 06:46 PM

Slovenian

The Hollyberry Lady · 09-13-2010, 04:27 PM

Try using this as your outgoing message on your answering machine!!!

dial an *******, Funny, Sound Bite

: )

Jack Daw · 09-14-2010, 02:54 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by The Hollyberry Lady

Try using this as your outgoing message on your answering machine!!!

dial an *******, Funny, Sound Bite

: )

Oh, Holly,

I like this one better:

YouTube - Morgan Freeman Narrates Your Voicemail

Written and performed by...

YouTube - Amazing Morgan Freeman Impression (plus 3 others)

And his another masterpiece:

YouTube - Morgan Freeman Talks About...Toilet Paper

The Hollyberry Lady · 09-14-2010, 05:46 PM

Jack, those are just too frigging funny!

I was just listening to this one. Unbelievable...

YouTube - Prank Phone Call - Cheating Boyfriend

Woops....I guess that relationship's over!

: )

06-01-2010, 01:28 PM	#521 (permalink)
Patty in Wisc tropical nut Patty in Wisc's Photo Gallery Zone: 5 Join Date: Sep 2006 Posts: 3,115 BananaBucks : 388,101 Feedback: 1 / 100% Said "Thanks" 2,946 Times Was Thanked 2,510 Times in 1,203 Posts Said "Welcome to Bananas" 69 Times	Re: Dumb Jokes He didn't like the casserole And he didn't like my cake, He said my biscuits were too hard Not like his mother used to make. I didn't perk the coffee right He didn't like the stew, I didn't mend his socks The way his mother used to do. I pondered for an answer I was looking for a clue. Then I turned around and Smacked the sh*t out of him.. Like his mother used to do. __________________ Got a lite? Patty ____ Patty in Wisc has sadly passed away 9/05/11. We will miss you Patty.

06-01-2010, 02:09 PM	#522 (permalink)
Jack Daw I think with my banana ;) Jack Daw's Photo Gallery Location: BA, SK, CEU Find me on the map! Zone: Dfa (Köppen-geiger) <-> 7b/8a? (USDA) Name: Jack Join Date: Dec 2008 Posts: 3,525 BananaBucks : 231,699 Feedback: 2 / 100% Said "Thanks" 2,771 Times Was Thanked 2,461 Times in 1,355 Posts Said "Welcome to Bananas" 383 Times	Re: Dumb Jokes Patty, lol. __________________ Thnx to Marcel, Ante, Dr. Chiranjit Parmar and *Francesco* for the plants I've received. Zeitgeist - Corporatocracy 101 (~2hrs) Zeitgeist - Moving Forward (~2.5hrs)

06-01-2010, 05:17 PM	#523 (permalink)
Patty in Wisc tropical nut Patty in Wisc's Photo Gallery Zone: 5 Join Date: Sep 2006 Posts: 3,115 BananaBucks : 388,101 Feedback: 1 / 100% Said "Thanks" 2,946 Times Was Thanked 2,510 Times in 1,203 Posts Said "Welcome to Bananas" 69 Times	Re: Dumb Jokes It was titled "A woman's poem" LOL __________________ Got a lite? Patty ____ Patty in Wisc has sadly passed away 9/05/11. We will miss you Patty.

06-01-2010, 07:32 PM	#524 (permalink)
island cassie island cassie's Photo Gallery Location: Dominican Republic Find me on the map! Zone: 11+ I guess Name: Island Cassie Join Date: Jan 2007 Posts: 3,170 BananaBucks : 472,384 Feedback: 2 / 100% Said "Thanks" 1,708 Times Was Thanked 2,079 Times in 874 Posts Said "Welcome to Bananas" 416 Times	Re: Dumb Jokes Patty - go girl!!! So true! lol!

06-14-2010, 09:32 AM	#525 (permalink)
saltydad saltydad's Photo Gallery Location: Silver Spring, Maryland USA Find me on the map! Zone: 7a Name: Howard Join Date: Sep 2007 Posts: 4,552 BananaBucks : 241,726 Feedback: 2 / 100% Said "Thanks" 14,712 Times Was Thanked 4,662 Times in 1,778 Posts Said "Welcome to Bananas" 824 Times	Re: Dumb Jokes > Subject: The Nun at Hooters > > > The Nun in Hooters > > > > A nun, badly needing to use the restroom, walked into a local Hooters. > > The place was hopping with music and loud conversation and every once in a while "the lights would turn off." Each time the lights would go out, the place would erupt into cheers. > > However, when the revellers saw the nun, the room went dead silent. She walked up to the bartender, and asked, "May I please use the restroom?" > > The bartender replied, "OK, but should warn you that there is a statue of a naked man in there wearing only a fig leaf." > > "Well, in that case, I'll just look the other way," said the nun. > > So the bartender showed the nun to the back of the restaurant. After a few minutes, she came back out, and the whole place stopped just long enough to give the nun a loud round of applause. > > She went to the bartender and said........................... "Sir, I don't understand. Why did they applaud for me just because I went to the restroom?" > > "Well, now they know you're one of us," said the bartender,"Would you like a drink?" > > > > "No thank you, but, I still don't understand," said the puzzled nun. > > "You see," laughed the bartender, "every time someone lifts the fig leaf on that statue, the lights go out. Now, how about that drink?" > __________________ Men In Nursing- "A Few Good Men" "Gardening is the purest of human pleasures." - Francis Bacon "If by a liberal, they mean someone who looks ahead and not behind; someone who welcomes new ideas without rigid reactions; someone who cares about the welfare of the people, their health, their housing, their schools, their jobs, their civil rights, their civil liberties; someone who believes we can break through the stalemate and suspicion that grips us; that is what they meant by a liberal, I am proud to be a liberal." John F. Kennedy, September, 1960 http://flickr.com/photos/saltydad/ and http://community.webshots.com/user/saltydad http://s751.photobucket.com/albums/xx151/saltydad/

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06-14-2010, 09:54 AM	#526 (permalink)
The Hollyberry Lady The Hollyberry Lady 's Photo Gallery Find me on the map! Join Date: May 2009 Posts: 15,161 BananaBucks : 1,390,339 Feedback: 1 / 100% Said "Thanks" 12,042 Times Was Thanked 11,326 Times in 5,311 Posts Said "Welcome to Bananas" 102 Times	Re: Dumb Jokes Patty, it should have been called "the wanna-be woman's poem" or "the incompetent woman's poem". After all, some of us do know how to cook and look after our men! Howard that is just hilarious! Saw this pic this morning... Too funny! : )

06-22-2010, 03:12 PM	#527 (permalink)
Patty in Wisc tropical nut Patty in Wisc's Photo Gallery Zone: 5 Join Date: Sep 2006 Posts: 3,115 BananaBucks : 388,101 Feedback: 1 / 100% Said "Thanks" 2,946 Times Was Thanked 2,510 Times in 1,203 Posts Said "Welcome to Bananas" 69 Times	Re: Dumb Jokes Amazingly Simple Home Remedies: 1. Avoid Cutting Yourself When Slicing Vegetables By Getting Someone Else To Hold The Vegetables While You Chop. 2. Avoid Arguments With The Females About Lifting The Toilet Seat By Using The Sink. It All Goes To The Same Place Anyway. 3. For High Blood Pressure Sufferers ~ Simply Cut Yourself And Bleed For A Few Minutes, Thus Reducing The Pressure On Your Veins. Even George Washington Did This! Remember To Use A Timer. 4. A Mouse Trap Placed On Top Of Your Alarm Clock Will Prevent You From Rolling Over And Going Back To Sleep After You Hit The Snooze Button. 5. If You Have A Bad Cough, Take A Large Dose Of Laxatives. Then You'll Be Afraid To Cough. 6. You Only Need Two Tools In Life - Wd-40 And Duct Tape. If It Doesn't Move And Should, Use The Wd-40. If It Shouldn't Move And Does, Use The Duct Tape. 7. If You Can't Fix It With A Hammer, You've Got An Electrical Problem. Daily Thought: Some People Are Like Slinkies - Not Really Good For Anything But They Bring A Smile To Your Face When Pushed Down The Stairs. __________________ Got a lite? Patty ____ Patty in Wisc has sadly passed away 9/05/11. We will miss you Patty.

06-30-2010, 05:25 PM	#528 (permalink)
Jack Daw I think with my banana ;) Jack Daw's Photo Gallery Location: BA, SK, CEU Find me on the map! Zone: Dfa (Köppen-geiger) <-> 7b/8a? (USDA) Name: Jack Join Date: Dec 2008 Posts: 3,525 BananaBucks : 231,699 Feedback: 2 / 100% Said "Thanks" 2,771 Times Was Thanked 2,461 Times in 1,355 Posts Said "Welcome to Bananas" 383 Times	Re: Dumb Jokes So, one by one, pics describing the best you could've seen on the WC '10 (World Cup 2010 ) __________________ Thnx to Marcel, Ante, Dr. Chiranjit Parmar and *Francesco* for the plants I've received. Zeitgeist - Corporatocracy 101 (~2hrs) Zeitgeist - Moving Forward (~2.5hrs)

06-30-2010, 05:26 PM	#529 (permalink)
Jack Daw I think with my banana ;) Jack Daw's Photo Gallery Location: BA, SK, CEU Find me on the map! Zone: Dfa (Köppen-geiger) <-> 7b/8a? (USDA) Name: Jack Join Date: Dec 2008 Posts: 3,525 BananaBucks : 231,699 Feedback: 2 / 100% Said "Thanks" 2,771 Times Was Thanked 2,461 Times in 1,355 Posts Said "Welcome to Bananas" 383 Times	Re: Dumb Jokes Now when you get this one, you will be literally Rolling On Floor Laughing. Keep smiling, for the best things in life are for free. Yet. __________________ Thnx to Marcel, Ante, Dr. Chiranjit Parmar and *Francesco* for the plants I've received. Zeitgeist - Corporatocracy 101 (~2hrs) Zeitgeist - Moving Forward (~2.5hrs)

06-30-2010, 05:32 PM	#530 (permalink)
Jack Daw I think with my banana ;) Jack Daw's Photo Gallery Location: BA, SK, CEU Find me on the map! Zone: Dfa (Köppen-geiger) <-> 7b/8a? (USDA) Name: Jack Join Date: Dec 2008 Posts: 3,525 BananaBucks : 231,699 Feedback: 2 / 100% Said "Thanks" 2,771 Times Was Thanked 2,461 Times in 1,355 Posts Said "Welcome to Bananas" 383 Times	Re: Dumb Jokes And finally, the best goes last, this is the description of socialism, as one of our journalists wrote it several days ago (in celebration of defeating socialists here). Socialism, definition: 1. Everybody has a job. 2. Although everybody has a job, nobody actually does anything. 3. Although nobody does anything, the plan is always fulfilled on more than 100% 4. Although the plan is fulfilled on more than 100%, there's an absolute lack of everything everywhere. 5. Although there's an absolute lack of everything everywhere, everybody has everything. 6. Although everybody has everything, everybody keeps stealing. 7. Although everybody keeps stealing, nothing actually disappears or is unaccounted for. It's so confusing on purpose. Hope this brings some smile to your faces. __________________ Thnx to Marcel, Ante, Dr. Chiranjit Parmar and *Francesco* for the plants I've received. Zeitgeist - Corporatocracy 101 (~2hrs) Zeitgeist - Moving Forward (~2.5hrs) Last edited by Jack Daw : 06-30-2010 at 05:40 PM.

08-05-2010, 02:41 PM	#531 (permalink)
Jack Daw I think with my banana ;) Jack Daw's Photo Gallery Location: BA, SK, CEU Find me on the map! Zone: Dfa (Köppen-geiger) <-> 7b/8a? (USDA) Name: Jack Join Date: Dec 2008 Posts: 3,525 BananaBucks : 231,699 Feedback: 2 / 100% Said "Thanks" 2,771 Times Was Thanked 2,461 Times in 1,355 Posts Said "Welcome to Bananas" 383 Times	Re: Dumb Jokes Bump!!! Look what made its way to our web news today... Eva Mendez. And I must say, it's not as dumb as one might think. Ladies and gentlemen, here's Eva Mendez and her S.EX Tape. Eva Mendes Sex Tape from Eva Mendes, Jake, and FOD Team - Video __________________ Thnx to Marcel, Ante, Dr. Chiranjit Parmar and *Francesco* for the plants I've received. Zeitgeist - Corporatocracy 101 (~2hrs) Zeitgeist - Moving Forward (~2.5hrs)

08-27-2010, 12:23 AM	#535 (permalink)
Patty in Wisc tropical nut Patty in Wisc's Photo Gallery Zone: 5 Join Date: Sep 2006 Posts: 3,115 BananaBucks : 388,101 Feedback: 1 / 100% Said "Thanks" 2,946 Times Was Thanked 2,510 Times in 1,203 Posts Said "Welcome to Bananas" 69 Times	Re: Dumb Jokes Hey Jack, I 'resemble' these remarks & videos!!! I am Slovanian & Polish LOL 'resemble' is good as resent. JUST A PLAY ON WORDS,,, oops - hit the cap key. __________________ Got a lite? Patty ____ Patty in Wisc has sadly passed away 9/05/11. We will miss you Patty. Last edited by Patty in Wisc : 08-27-2010 at 12:35 AM.

08-27-2010, 06:46 PM	#537 (permalink)
Dalmatiansoap Let there be light Dalmatiansoap's Photo Gallery Location: Makarska, Croatia Find me on the map! Zone: 9 Name: Ante Join Date: Dec 2008 Posts: 9,161 BananaBucks : 675,171 Feedback: 10 / 100% Said "Thanks" 6,508 Times Was Thanked 8,384 Times in 3,032 Posts Said "Welcome to Bananas" 720 Times	Re: Dumb Jokes Slovenian __________________ https://abnb.me/AXJty518xib

09-13-2010, 04:27 PM	#538 (permalink)
The Hollyberry Lady The Hollyberry Lady 's Photo Gallery Find me on the map! Join Date: May 2009 Posts: 15,161 BananaBucks : 1,390,339 Feedback: 1 / 100% Said "Thanks" 12,042 Times Was Thanked 11,326 Times in 5,311 Posts Said "Welcome to Bananas" 102 Times	Re: Dumb Jokes Try using this as your outgoing message on your answering machine!!! dial an *******, Funny, Sound Bite : )

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