Bananas.org - What Cracked up you up Today?

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Re: What Cracked up you up Today?

This may not be the funniest thing in this thread, but amusing nevertheless and it really
happened to me a couple of days ago on the parking lot of a local supermarket:

A fellow pointed his remote at his SUV closing and opening the back door, while looking
at me saying: “See, I do not need to use any muscles”
I: “Using muscles keeps you in shape."
He while we were walking side by side to the store: “I am in shape, I go to the gym. My
doctor says I am overweight, but I am in good shape, am I not?”
I: “Of course you are”

And here I have been priding myself of always telling the truth. ;)

Re: What Cracked up you up Today?

Jewish Rye

Two old geezers, one eighty, the other 87, are chatting.
The 80 year old to the other: “How come, that you are still so full of energy?”
“I eat Jewish rye bread, it keeps me spry”

So the younger heads to the bakery: “Do you have any Jewish rye bread?”
The sales lady: “A whole shelf full”
“I’ll take 5”
“But by the time you get to the fifth loaf, it will be hard”

He, a bit annoyed: “How come everybody knows about that and I don’t!?”

Re: What Cracked up you up Today?

When it's not your time...................

https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?v=10152013286522499

Re: What Cracked up you up Today?

This is pretty funny.. If you listen to it its going to get stuck in your head.. :^)

Re: What Cracked up you up Today?

Okay, it is just another youtube, but this one had me rolling with laughter.

https://www.youtube.com/embed/fPXkUXXFoCw

Re: What Cracked up you up Today?

Got this in an email the other day and some days I can really relate to it :)

----------------------------------

A.A.A.D.D.- KNOW THE SYMPTOMS!

Thank goodness there's a name for this disorder.

Age-Activated Attention Deficit Disorder.

This is how it manifests:

I decide to water my garden. As I turn on the hose in the driveway, I look over at my car and decide it needs washing.

As I start toward the garage, I notice mail on the porch table that I brought up from the mail box earlier. I decide to go through the mail before I wash the car.

I lay my car keys on the table, put the junk mail in the garbage can under the table and notice that the can is full.
So, I decide to put the bills back on the table and take out the garbage first...

But then I think, since I'm going to be near the mailbox when I take out the garbage anyway, I may as well pay the bills first.
I take my cheque book off the table, and see that there is only one cheque left.

My extra cheques are in my desk in the study, so I go inside the house to my desk where I find the can of Pepsi I'd been drinking.
I'm going to look for my checks, but first I need to push the Pepsi aside so that I don't accidentally knock it over.

The Pepsi is getting warm, and I decide to put it in the refrigerator to keep it cold.
As I head toward the kitchen with the Pepsi, a vase of flowers on the counter catches my eye--they need water.

I put the Pepsi on the counter and discover my reading glasses that I've been searching for all morning.
I decide I better put them back on my desk, but first I'm going to water the flowers.

I set the glasses back down on the counter, fill a container with water and suddenly spot the TV remote.
Someone left it on the kitchen table.

I realize that tonight when we go to watch TV, I'll be looking for the remote, but I won't remember that it's on the kitchen table, so I decide to put it back in the den where it belongs,
But first I'll water the flowers.

I pour some water in the flowers, but quite a bit of it spills on the floor.
So, I set the remote back on the table, get some towels and wipe up the spill.

Then, I head down the hall trying to remember what I was planning to do.

At the end of the day:
The car isn't washed,
The bills aren't paid,
There is a warm can of Pepsi sitting on the counter,
The flowers don't have enough water,
There is still only 1 cheque in my cheque book,
I can't find the remote,
I can't find my glasses,
And I don't remember what I did with the car keys.

Then, when I try to figure out why nothing got done today, I'm really baffled because I know I was busy all day,
And I'm really tired.

I realize this is a serious problem, and I'll try to get some help for it, but first I'll check my e-mail....

Do me a favor.
Forward this message to everyone you know,
Because I don't remember who I've sent it to.

Don't laugh -- if this isn't you yet, your day is coming!

P.S. I don't remember who sent it to me, so if it was you, I'm sorry

Re: What Cracked up you up Today?

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I wonder how Ken looks like.....

Re: What Cracked up you up Today?

Speed and the Elderly...

An elderly man on a Moped, looking about 100 years old, pulls up next to a doctor at a street light.
The old man looks over at the sleek shiny car and asks,
'What kind of car ya got there, sonny ?'

The doctor replies, 'A Ferrari GTO.
It cost half a million dollars ! '

'That's a lot of money,' says the old man.
'Why does it cost so much?'

'Because this car can do up to 320 miles an hour!' states the doctor proudly.

The Moped driver asks, 'Mind if I take a look inside?'

'No problem,' replies the doctor.

So the old man pokes his head in the window and looks around.
Then, sitting back on his Moped, the old man says, 'That's a pretty nice car, all right... but I'll stick with my Moped !'

Just then the light changes,
So the doctor decides to show
The old man just what his car can do.
He floors it, and within 30 seconds
The speedometer reads 160 mph.

Suddenly, he notices a dot in his rear view mirror. It seems to be getting closer!

He slows down to see what it could be
And suddenly WHOOOOSSSHHH !

Something whips by him going much faster !

' What on earth could be going faster than my Ferrari ?' the doctor asks himself.

He presses harder on the accelerator
And takes the Ferrari up to 250 mph.

Then, up ahead of him,
He sees that it's the old man on the Moped!

Amazed that the Moped could pass his Ferrari, he gives it more gas
And passes the Moped at 275 mph
And he's feeling pretty good until he looks in his mirror and sees the old man gaining on him AGAIN!

Astounded by the speed of this old guy,
He floors the gas pedal and takes the Ferrari all the way up to 320 mph.

Not ten seconds later, he sees the Moped bearing down on him again!
The Ferrari is flat out,
And there's nothing he can do!

Suddenly, the Moped plows
Into the back of his Ferrari,
Demolishing the rear end.

The doctor stops and jumps out and unbelievably the old man is still alive.

He runs up to the banged-up old guy and says, 'I'm a doctor.... Is there anything I can do for you?'

The old man whispers,
'Unhook my suspenders from your side view mirror!'

Re: What Cracked up you up Today?

Thanks, Dan, I loved that :ha:

Olaf

Re: What Cracked up you up Today?

Banana Slicer Reviews Too Funny... :^)

Re: What Cracked up you up Today?

Vegetable regatta at Ludwigsburg Palace in Germany

At least 250 kg (550 lb) must the pumpkin weigh to be useful as vegetable kayak.
The challenge is to cross 70 meters to the finish line in it and to stay as dry as possible
doing it.

Ludwigsburg: Kürbis-Boot Regatta auf dem Schloss-See - SPIEGEL ONLINE

Re: What Cracked up you up Today?

I'd really like to know what kind of plant this is.. lol :^)

Re: What Cracked up you up Today?

Is that Photoshop I smell?