bananimal

Florida Code Explained

When giving directions in Florida, you must always start with the words, "take I-75, "take I-4 "or "take I-95."

When crossing the border into Florida forget all driving rules you ever knew.
If you're a snowbird or a non-working retiree, you absolutely cannot drive between the hours of 6 A.M. to 10 A.M. and 4 P.M. to 7 P.M. This is considered to be RUSH HOUR and you are not in any rush. NO EXCEPTIONS. But you will drive anyway.

Freeways can only go north and south . .. . Not east and west except Alligator Alley.

Tolls are a fact of life, the state has to make money, so deal with it!
I-275 (Tampa area) will always be under construction ... that's the law and there is nothing anyone can do about it, period!
'A1A' and 'Alt. A1A' are the same road.

Traffic lights are not timed and never will be.
We measure the distance we travel in time - not miles.
If you travel more than 5-10 miles on any road in any part of Florida without seeing an orange barricade, you're lost!
If you miss your exit on I-75, I-4 or I-275, its perfectly acceptable to back up!

Every street in Florida has both a name and a number ( i . e . Adamo = Rt . 60) just for the heck of it -- and also for the pleasure we get from reaction of visitors when we give them directions.
Once the light turns green, only 3 cars can go through the intersection eight more go through on yellow, and 4 more on red.
Know the difference between SunPass, Sun Fest , Sun-Sentinel and Sun Trust.

Flip flops, tank tops and baggy shorts are also known as business casual . Plaids and stripes of different colors at the same time are the norm.

Your car's signal blinker means nothing. It will be left on at all times.

English is our first and second language.

It is perfectly acceptable to brag about the size of your emergency generator.

We have alligators here in Florida and they WILL bite you. Don't be stupid and try to feed or pet one.

When a hurricane is headed our way, even though you have advance warning and you are told to be prepared, you're not a true Floridian unless you wait until the absolute last minute to go to Home Depot to pick up plywood or to Publix to stock up water, ice, and potato chips.

You know how to spell Okeechobee. There is an Okeechobee Lake, Town, County, Blvd, Street, and Avenue.

A true Floridian does NOT own a boat. They make friends with someone who already owns one. That way you don't have to deal with any of the headaches.

You weren't born here. If you were, you're angry that anyone else has moved here.

There's always a Walgreens across the street from a CVS on nearly every corner - with more being built every day.

When picking up a woman on South Beach, always check for an Adams apple.

It's normal to sweat when you are putting up your holiday decorations.
In south Florida the four seasons are summer.

There is a city called 'The Villages' where over 100,000 old people live that all drive golf carts and dance in the streets. 65% of these people are swingers; the rest just got too old to care about it.
(They have the highest number of cases of VD/STD in the state!)
Jupiter is a city, not a planet.

Seniors have to do their errands during the weekdays . . not weeknights or weekends . .. that's for the working folks.

There are three types of dolphins: Mahi - mahi , Flipper , and also a football team.

You can't say; 'this is how we did it up north'. If you think that way, then go back up north. Just remember, I-95 and I-75 run both ways.

No matter what they decide in Tallahassee you will never, ever be able to figure out your property taxes.

Learn how to dress in layers. It will be 95 degrees outside. But inside any restaurant or business it's 65 degrees.
With the slightest hint of a hurricane your house insurance will be cancelled.

The biggest Asian pythons are in the Everglades.

You want to live on a lake? Dig a hole.

Early bird dinner starts at 4 but be there at 3. Have plastic bags in your purse or pocket for the packets of sugar, Splenda, etc.

True Floridians rarely go to the local beach except Miami . These are recognized by the tobacco- colored leather skin.
Don't think of going to Boca unless you are wearing at least once piece of gold lame'.

Always be observant of cars backing through store windows or into canals and swimming pools.

Note that most cars are driven by headless drivers. When seen there is always white hair and over-sized, black wrap-around sunglasses.

This would be even funnier if it weren't so true!

servatusprime

I would add:

It's perfectly normal for a road to change names between intersections.

Of course a canal can go through a road with no bridge.

What so wrong with having many roads in close proximity and intersecting with the same name except for the suffix: 16th street, 16th place, 16th terrace, 16th way, etc.?

trebor

I would never try to correct a work such as I have just read! I
feel as if Bananimal has captured the true Florida..
But I feel I must add this one very important addition .. Please Forgive me Bananimall ..

Florida is the only place where Pee Pee is not something kids do in diapers. Its actually someones name

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If ya can't eat it, it ain't growing in my back yard !

Bradford

Lived down there for a while.

Used to see right hand turns from the left hand lane across 3 lanes of traffic regularly. Usually by someone driving a Grand Marquis with a scooter rack and New York or Michigan plates.

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God grows bananas.

cincinnana

........so true.

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Kat2

Driving in FL is a piece of cake compared to navigating the DC area.

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caliboy1994

For Californians:

• If you live in or are from Southern California, whenever you say the name of a freeway you must add the prefix "the" to it. For example, "the 405" or "the 110."
  
• If you live south of Santa Cruz, you must NEVER, EVER say "hella" or you will be deported to Marin County via the 101 straight from Los Angeles.
  
• If you travel to any other state you must always complain about the weather in some way, or brag about how the weather is better in California.
• I don't care what part of the state you live in, anything under 50 degrees Fahrenheit is cold. Everything else is normal.
• If you are from Northern California and you act like a steezer, you will be forcibly shipped to San Diego in a truck full of oranges.
  
• If you are from Southern California, you must always drive like a complete and utter a-hole. Cut people off and tailgate whenever possible. If you are from Northern California, these rules do not apply.
  
• If you are from the Central Valley you are not allowed to complain about the smell of cow farms.
  
• If you are from Los Angeles, then you must always find an excuse to take the freeway rather than surface streets.
  
• When driving on an open two lane freeway through Central California, if you don't go faster than 80 miles per hour you will be passed, tailgated, and forced to drive behind all of the trucks.
• If you have never seen the Hollywood sign in person then you have no life.
• Loud music is acceptable if it was made in California. Blasting East Coast rap in your car is strictly prohibited.
• If you are unable to make it big in the entertainment industry then you always have the option of moving up to Northern California and growing pot. You will make just as much money if not more.
• In Los Angeles, the 101 always has traffic no matter what. But if you take the surface streets instead then you are sinning and will burn in Death Valley for all of eternity.
• The fruit tree orchards in the Central Valley are fertilized with the angst of Texans who hate California and the cows' feed is laced with chemicals that will turn you into a liberal (unless you are from Orange County, they put something in the water there that neutralizes it).
• We have the most attractive women in the entire country, therefore dating a woman who is not California native is heresy, and you will be shunned. The same chemicals that they put in cow feed to turn you liberal also increases bust size in women and causes men to go tan and want to surf all the time.
• If you are from Santa Monica you are not allowed to complain about the weather.
  
• If you are from the high desert and you commute to work in Los Angeles then you are automatically considered a bad driver.
  
• Soccer moms are always allowed to use the carpool lane NO MATTER WHAT. No questions asked.
  
• It is not acceptable to drive at less than 60 miles per hour on a dangerous canyon road.
  
• If you live within a 100 mile radius of Hollywood then you automatically have bragging rights.
  
• If you don't live in the desert, then to you the wind farms on the way to Palm Springs are the most fascinating thing in the world.
  
• Having less than two cars per person is strictly prohibited.
  
• If you live in Los Angeles, then you are not allowed to complain about the smog unless you are not in Los Angeles at the moment.
  
• If you live in San Francisco, then you must go to ALL the concerts.
  
• Humboldt County is the only place in the world where it is acceptable to be under the influence of marijuana while driving.
  
• If you have a car, then you are not allowed to take the Metro unless circumstances are dire.
  
• You are too lazy to drive from Los Angeles to San Francisco or from San Francisco to Los Angeles if you can afford a plane ticket, but taking a plane to Lake Tahoe is a violation of social norms.
  
• The weather is always nicer in San Diego.
  
• California is always in a drought no matter how much rain we got last winter.

I think that covers everything.

__________________
"The ultimate goal of farming is not the growing of crops, but the cultivation and perfection of human beings."
~ Masanobu Fukuoka

Find me on linktree here as Solarpunk Farmer:
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cincinnana

OK .OK finally got it ........ Had to go to a wiki for ....STEEZER and HELLA.........Sorry ......... east coaster
I LiKe ThE wAy YoU RoLl.

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bananimal

I found these 2 defs ----- still not a clear picture for steezer.

hella
Term used to indicate personal superiority. When spoken in conversation, the receiving party immediatley knows that the person saying the word is of a high class because of that person's NorCal roots.
Thusly, if the receiver is not of the same geography and stature, negative emotions arise from envy. A primary example is that of the frustrated SoCal dweller who is frequently subjected to the mighty and humbling presence of NorCalers.
Alternatively, Hella can alert other prestigious NorCalers that they are dealing with a higher species much like themselves.
NorCaler: "That was Hella cool!"
SoCaler: "Huh? Wha? Hella? That sounds dumb."
NorCaler: "No sir. You sir are Hella dumb. Good day."
SoCaler: "Oh yah. You're...dumbererer. Keanu rules!!"

Steezer
A submerging subculture consisting of stoner/skater kids that snowboard for religion, smoke weed for life, and deck themselves out in neon.
They can be seen wearing brightly colored condom hats, Boobeyes sunglasses, and anything relative to CandyGrind.
They like to go camping on a regular basis and they like to slap stickers on anything they can get their steezer hands on.
Sounds like he's turning into a steezer.