Jananas Bananas

PONDERISMS...



*I used to eat a lot of natural foods until I learned that most people die of natural causes.



*Gardening Rule: When weeding, the best way to make sure you are removing a weed and not a valuable plant is to pull on it. If it comes out of the ground easily, it is a valuable plant.


*The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement.


*Never take life too seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway.


*Life is sexually transmitted.


*Healthy is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.


*Some people are like Slinkies. Not really good for anything, but you still can't help but smile when you see one tumble down the stairs.


*Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday lying in hospitals dying of nothing.


*Have you noticed since everyone has a camcorder these days no one talks about seeing UFO's like they used to?


*Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again.


*All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism.


*In the 60's people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.


*How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?


*Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I think I'll squeeze these dangly things here and drink whatever comes out?"


*If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a song about him?


*If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?


*Who was the first person to say, "See that chicken there? I'm gonna eat the next thing that comes outta its butt."


*If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?


*Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup?


*Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dogs face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him on a car ride, he sticks hid head out the window?


*Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?


*If a cluttered desk is the sign of a cluttered mind, what is an empty desk the sign of?


*What is the speed of darkness?


*If you send someone 'Styrofoam', how do you pack it?


*If the temperature is zero outside today and it's going to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold will it be?


*If it's true that we are here to help others, what are the others doing here?


*Do married people live longer than single people, or does it only seem longer?


*If someone with a spilt personality threatens to commit suicide, is it a hostage situation?


*Can you cry under water?


*What level of importance must a person have before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered?


*If money doesn't grow on trees, then why do banks have branches?


*Why does a round pizza come in a square box?


*How is it we put a man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on bigger suitcases?


*Why is it people say they "slept like a baby" when babies wake up every two hours?


*Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and them put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?


*Why do doctors, when they ask you to strip, leave the room or close the cubicle curtain while you change? ... They're going to see you naked anyway.

__________________
Jananas Bananas

The Hollyberry Lady

"Most organisations have a serial bully. It never ceases to amaze me how one person's divisive dysfunctional behaviour can permeate the entire organisation like a cancer"


: (

The Hollyberry Lady

"Haters are just confused Admirers"



: )

The Hollyberry Lady

"I have always thought of Christmas time, when it has come round, as a good time; a kind, forgiving, charitable time; the only time I know of, in the long calendar of the year, when men and women seem by one consent to open their shut-up hearts freely, and to think of people below them as if they really were fellow passengers to the grave, and not another race of creatures bound on other journeys"


~ Charles Dickens.


: )

The Hollyberry Lady

"If you're not part of the solution, you're part of the problem"



: )

The Hollyberry Lady

“No one is more arrogant toward women, more aggressive or scornful, than the man who is anxious about his virility”


: )

The Hollyberry Lady

Jananas Bananas

I have kleptomania,
But when it gets bad,
I take something for it.



FOLLOW YOUR DREAMS!
Except that one where you're naked in church.



Sometimes too much to drink isn't enough.


Suicidal twin kills sister by mistake!



My short-term memory is not as sharp as it used to be.
Also, my short-term memory's not as sharp as it used to be.


In just two days from now,
Tomorrow will be yesterday.


A bartender is just a pharmacist
With a limited inventory

I may be schizophrenic,
But at least I have each other.


I am a Nobody.
Nobody is Perfect.
Therefore I am Perfect.


I'm not your type.
I'm not inflatable.


Dyslexic Have More Nuf.



In Memoriam
With all the sadness and trauma going on in the world at the moment, it is worth reflecting on the death of a very important person, which almost went unnoticed a while back, Larry LaPrise, the man who wrote "The Hokey Pokey", died peacefully at age 93. The most traumatic part for his family was getting him into the coffin. They put his left leg in. And then the trouble started.


I LOVE COOKING WITH WINE
Sometimes I even put it in the food.


When you work here,
You can name your own salary.
I named mine, "Fred".


Money isn't everything,
But it sure keeps the kids in touch.



Reality is only an illusion
That occurs due to a lack of alcohol.



I like cats too.
Let's exchange recipes.



Red meat is not bad for you
Fuzzy green meat is bad for you.


I am having an out-of-money experience.


As a senior citizen was driving down the freeway,
his car phone rang.
Answering, he heard his wife's voice urgently warning him,
"Herman, I just heard on the news that there's a car
going the wrong way on 280 Interstate.
Please be careful!"

"It's not just one car," said Herman. "It's hundreds of
them!"


Corduroy pillows are making headlines!


I want to die while asleep like my grandfather,
Not screaming in terror like the passengers in his car.

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Jananas Bananas

The Hollyberry Lady