Re: Reflections...
PONDERISMS...
*I used to eat a lot of natural foods until I learned that most people die of natural causes.
*Gardening Rule: When weeding, the best way to make sure you are removing a weed and not a valuable plant is to pull on it. If it comes out of the ground easily, it is a valuable plant.
*The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement.
*Never take life too seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway.
*Life is sexually transmitted.
*Healthy is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.
*Some people are like Slinkies. Not really good for anything, but you still can't help but smile when you see one tumble down the stairs.
*Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday lying in hospitals dying of nothing.
*Have you noticed since everyone has a camcorder these days no one talks about seeing UFO's like they used to?
*Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again.
*All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism.
*In the 60's people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.
*How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?
*Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I think I'll squeeze these dangly things here and drink whatever comes out?"
*If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a song about him?
*If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?
*Who was the first person to say, "See that chicken there? I'm gonna eat the next thing that comes outta its butt."
*If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?
*Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup?
*Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dogs face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him on a car ride, he sticks hid head out the window?
*Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?
*If a cluttered desk is the sign of a cluttered mind, what is an empty desk the sign of?
*What is the speed of darkness?
*If you send someone 'Styrofoam', how do you pack it?
*If the temperature is zero outside today and it's going to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold will it be?
*If it's true that we are here to help others, what are the others doing here?
*Do married people live longer than single people, or does it only seem longer?
*If someone with a spilt personality threatens to commit suicide, is it a hostage situation?
*Can you cry under water?
*What level of importance must a person have before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered?
*If money doesn't grow on trees, then why do banks have branches?
*Why does a round pizza come in a square box?
*How is it we put a man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on bigger suitcases?
*Why is it people say they "slept like a baby" when babies wake up every two hours?
*Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and them put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?
*Why do doctors, when they ask you to strip, leave the room or close the cubicle curtain while you change? ... They're going to see you naked anyway.
__________________
Jananas Bananas
|