saltydad

I thought this would be a good place to post the ubiquitous "Dumb Joke". My first entry:

Subject: 'I Hate My Job' day

__________________
Men In Nursing- "A Few Good Men"

"Gardening is the purest of human pleasures." - Francis Bacon





"If by a liberal, they mean someone who looks ahead and not behind; someone who welcomes new ideas without rigid reactions; someone who cares about the welfare of the people, their health, their housing, their schools, their jobs, their civil rights, their civil liberties; someone who believes we can break through the stalemate and suspicion that grips us; that is what they meant by a liberal, I am proud to be a liberal."
John F. Kennedy, September, 1960


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http://community.webshots.com/user/saltydad
http://s751.photobucket.com/albums/xx151/saltydad/

buzzwinder

Thanks Howard, That was a good one!!!!

__________________


Bill for my friend

mskitty38583

ha ha ha. that was great!

__________________
WELCOME TO THE GATOR NATION

saltydad

With all the turmoil in the market today and the collapse of Lehman Bros and Acquisition of Merrill Lynch by Bank of America this might be some good advice.
For all of you with any money left, be aware of the next expected mergers so that you can get in on the ground floor and make some BIG bucks.

Watch for these consolidations in later this year:

1.) Hale Business Systems, Mary Kay Cosmetics, Fuller Brush, and W R.
Grace Co.
Will merge and become:

Hale, Mary, Fuller, Grace.

2.) Polygram Records, Warner Bros., and Zesta Crackers join forces and

become:

Poly, Warner, Cracker.

3.) 3M will merge with Goodyear and become:

MMMGood.

4. Zippo Manufacturing, Audi Motors, Dofasco, and Dakota Mining will merge and
become:

ZipAudiDoDa .

5. FedEx is expected to join its competitor, UPS, and become:

FedUP.

6. Fairchild Electronics and Honeywell Computers will become:

Fairwell Honeychild.

7. Grey Poupon and Docker Pants are expected to become:

PouponPants.

8. Knotts Berry Farm and the National Organization of Women will become:


Knott NOW!

9. Victoria 's Secret and Smith &Wesson will merge under the new name:

Titty Titty Bang Bang

And finally...

10. Mother's Jams & Jellies and Smucker's Jams & Jellies will unite to
be:

Mother Smucker's

__________________
Men In Nursing- "A Few Good Men"

"Gardening is the purest of human pleasures." - Francis Bacon





"If by a liberal, they mean someone who looks ahead and not behind; someone who welcomes new ideas without rigid reactions; someone who cares about the welfare of the people, their health, their housing, their schools, their jobs, their civil rights, their civil liberties; someone who believes we can break through the stalemate and suspicion that grips us; that is what they meant by a liberal, I am proud to be a liberal."
John F. Kennedy, September, 1960


http://flickr.com/photos/saltydad/ and
http://community.webshots.com/user/saltydad
http://s751.photobucket.com/albums/xx151/saltydad/

island cassie

Hey Howard - that is all funny stuff!! Keep it coming!

saltydad

>>

> AAADD
>
> KNOW THE SYMPTOMS.....PLEASE READ!
>
> Thank goodness there's a name for this disorder.
> Somehow I feel better even though I have it!!
>
> Recently, I was diagnosed with A.A.A.D.D. -
> Age Activated Attention Deficit Disorder.
>
> This is how it manifests:
>
> I decide to water my garden.
> As I turn on the hose in the driveway,
> I look over at my car and decide it needs washing.
>
> As I start toward the garage,
> I notice mail on the porch table that
> I brought up from the mail box earlier.
>
> I decide to go through the mail before I wash the car.
>
> I lay my car keys on the table,
> put the junk mail in the garbage can under the table,
> and notice that the can is full.
>
> So, I decide to put the bills back
> on the table and take out the garbage first.
>
> But then I think,
> since I'm going to be near the mailbox
> when I take out the garbage anyway,
> I may as well pay the bills first.
>
> I take my check book off the table,
> and see that there is only one check left.
> My extra checks are in my desk in the study,
> so I go inside the house to my desk where
> I find the can of Pepsi I'd been drinking.
>
> I'm going to look for my checks,
> but first I need to push the Pepsi aside
> so that I don't accidentally knock it over.
>
> The Pepsi is getting warm,
> and I decide to put it in the refrigerator to keep it cold.
>
> As I head toward the kitchen with the Pepsi,
> a vase of flowers on the counter
> catches my eye--they need water.
>
> I put the Pepsi on the counter and
> discover my reading g lasses that
> I've been searching for all morning.
>
> I decide I better put them back on my desk,
> but first I'm going to water the flowers.
>
> I set the glasses back down on the counter,
> fill a container with water and suddenly spot the TV
> remote.
> Someone left it on the kitchen table.
>
> I realize that tonight when we go to watch TV,
> I'll be looking for the remote,
> but I won't remember that it's on the kitchen
> table,
> so I decide to put it back in the den where it belongs,
> but first I'll water the flowers.
>
> I pour some water in the flowers,
> but quite a bit of it spills on the floor.
>
> So, I set the remote ba ck on the table,
> get some towels and wipe up the spill.
>
> Then, I head down the hall trying to
> remember what I was planning to do.
>
> At the end of the day:
>
> the car isn't washed
> the bills aren't paid
> there is a warm can of Pepsi sitting on the counter
> the flowers don't have enough water,
> there is still only 1 check in my check book,
> I can't find the remote,
> I can't find my glasses,
> and I don't remember what I did with the car keys.
> Then, when I try to figure out why nothing got done today,
> I'm really baffled because I know I was busy all damn
> day,
> and I'm really tired.
>
> I realize this is a serious problem,
> and I'll try to get some help for it,
> but first I'll check my e-mail....

__________________
Men In Nursing- "A Few Good Men"

"Gardening is the purest of human pleasures." - Francis Bacon





"If by a liberal, they mean someone who looks ahead and not behind; someone who welcomes new ideas without rigid reactions; someone who cares about the welfare of the people, their health, their housing, their schools, their jobs, their civil rights, their civil liberties; someone who believes we can break through the stalemate and suspicion that grips us; that is what they meant by a liberal, I am proud to be a liberal."
John F. Kennedy, September, 1960


http://flickr.com/photos/saltydad/ and
http://community.webshots.com/user/saltydad
http://s751.photobucket.com/albums/xx151/saltydad/

Patty in Wisc

"Subject: 'I Hate My Job' day"
This has to be the worst!!

__________________
Got a lite?
Patty




____
Patty in Wisc has sadly passed away 9/05/11. We will miss you Patty.

saltydad

LOL. My sister-in-law is a vet who had to do an internal exam on a very angry and hurting camel. Maybe that's why she now specializes in hematology!

__________________
Men In Nursing- "A Few Good Men"

"Gardening is the purest of human pleasures." - Francis Bacon





"If by a liberal, they mean someone who looks ahead and not behind; someone who welcomes new ideas without rigid reactions; someone who cares about the welfare of the people, their health, their housing, their schools, their jobs, their civil rights, their civil liberties; someone who believes we can break through the stalemate and suspicion that grips us; that is what they meant by a liberal, I am proud to be a liberal."
John F. Kennedy, September, 1960


http://flickr.com/photos/saltydad/ and
http://community.webshots.com/user/saltydad
http://s751.photobucket.com/albums/xx151/saltydad/

Tog Tan

Hi Patty, I wanted to say it's a cool joke but then I don't think the guy's head feels cool in there! HahaHa... A very good one.You made my day!

__________________



____
Tog Tan has sadly suddenly passed away 6/16/09. We will miss you Tog Tan.

Patty in Wisc

Glad you liked it LOL. Can you imagine finding out you have to go in there?! And, what's really funny is the guy on the right & the look on his face... like, "What are you looking at?" Wonder what the guy insides' face looked like then!
Do you think that hose is for oxygen or is he squirting water in there?
If someone told me to do that, I'd say "fire me". What if that elephant took off running? LOL

__________________
Got a lite?
Patty




____
Patty in Wisc has sadly passed away 9/05/11. We will miss you Patty.

island cassie

Haha Patty!! Very, very funny!

saltydad

Actually I believe his/her arm is inside to the shoulder, and his/her head is external and turned away and hidden to us by the elephant's tail. That's bad enough as it is!! Thanks!!

__________________
Men In Nursing- "A Few Good Men"

"Gardening is the purest of human pleasures." - Francis Bacon





"If by a liberal, they mean someone who looks ahead and not behind; someone who welcomes new ideas without rigid reactions; someone who cares about the welfare of the people, their health, their housing, their schools, their jobs, their civil rights, their civil liberties; someone who believes we can break through the stalemate and suspicion that grips us; that is what they meant by a liberal, I am proud to be a liberal."
John F. Kennedy, September, 1960


http://flickr.com/photos/saltydad/ and
http://community.webshots.com/user/saltydad
http://s751.photobucket.com/albums/xx151/saltydad/

saltydad

More of Little Johnny

A new teacher was trying to make use of her psychology courses. She
started her class by saying, 'Everyone who thinks they're stupid, stand up!' After a few seconds, Little Johnny stood up. The teacher said, 'Do you think you're stupid, Little Johnny?' 'No, ma'am, but I hate to see you standing there all by yourself!'
>
> * * * * * * * * * * *
>
> Little Johnny watched, fascinated, as his mother smoothed cold cream
on her face. 'Why do you do that, mommy?' he asked. 'To make myself beautiful,' said his mother, who then began removing the cream with a tissue. 'What's the matter?' asked Little Johnny. 'Giving up?'
>
> * * * * * * * * * * *
>
> The math teacher saw that little Johnny wasn't paying attention in
class....
She called on him and said,
>
> 'Johnny! What are 2 and 4 and 28 and 44?' Little Johnny quickly
replied, 'NBC, FOX, ESPN and the Cartoon Network!'
>
> * * * * * * * * * * *
>
> Little Johnny's kindergarten class was on a field trip to their local
police station where they saw pictures tacked to a bulletin board of the 10 most wanted criminals. One of the youngsters pointed to a picture and asked if it really was the photo of a wanted person. 'Yes,'
said the policeman. 'The detectives want very badly to capture him.'
Little Johnny asked, 'Why didn't you keep him when you took his picture ?'
>
> * * * * * * * * * * *
>
> Little Johnny attended a horse auction with his father. He watched as
his father moved from horse to horse, running his hands up and down the horse's legs and rump, and chest. After a few minutes, Johnny asked, 'Dad, why are you doing that?' His father replied, 'Because when I'm buying horses, I have to make sure that they are healthy and in good shape before I buy. Johnny, looking worried, said, 'Dad, I think the UPS guy wants to buy Mom .'
>

__________________
Men In Nursing- "A Few Good Men"

"Gardening is the purest of human pleasures." - Francis Bacon





"If by a liberal, they mean someone who looks ahead and not behind; someone who welcomes new ideas without rigid reactions; someone who cares about the welfare of the people, their health, their housing, their schools, their jobs, their civil rights, their civil liberties; someone who believes we can break through the stalemate and suspicion that grips us; that is what they meant by a liberal, I am proud to be a liberal."
John F. Kennedy, September, 1960


http://flickr.com/photos/saltydad/ and
http://community.webshots.com/user/saltydad
http://s751.photobucket.com/albums/xx151/saltydad/