Dumb Jokes
 

The Humor of Youth

Young people are a prime source of embarrassing statements and bone-headed bloopers. Now it seems that their teachers are sharing all this on the Net.

History teacher and author Richard Lederer strung together a loose history of the world based on unusual statements in student essays. For example:

Socrates died from an overdose of wedlock.

Magna Carta provided that no free man should be hanged twice for the same offense.

Martin Luther was nailed to the church door at Wittenberg.

Lincoln's mother died in infancy, and he was born in a log cabin which he built with his own hands.
Net humorist Tina Mancuso collects and shares strange statements in fifth and sixth grade science papers:

Question: What is one horsepower? Answer: One horsepower is the amount of energy it takes to drag a horse 500 feet in one second.

We say the cause of perfume disappearing is evaporation. Evaporation gets blamed for a lot of things people forget to put the top on.

To most people solutions mean finding the answers. But to chemists solutions are things that are still all mixed up.

You can listen to thunder after lightening and tell how close you came to getting hit. If you don't hear it you got hit, so never mind.

Some people can tell what time it is by looking at the sun. But I have never been able to make out the numbers.

In looking at a drop of water under a microscope, we find there are twice as many H's as O's.

Clouds are high flying fogs.

Re: Dumb Jokes
 

Remember Art Linkletter's "Kids say the darndest things" Lots of good stuff. There must be a website somewhere with it.

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So this guy walks into a bar with a duck on his head....

The bartender looks him up and down, and says "Hey buddy, what can I do for you?"

The duck blinks and says, "Well, you could get this guy off my ass!"

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Blonde Joke:

A girl was visiting her blonde friend, who had acquired two new dogs, and asked her what their names were. The blonde responded by saying that one was named Rolex and one was named Timex. Her friend said, 'Whoever heard of someone naming dogs like that?' 'HELLLOOOOOOO......,' answered the blond.. 'They're watch dogs!'



:bananas_b

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WOMAN : You remind me of the sea.

MAN : Because I'm wild, romantic and exciting?

WOMAN : NO, because you make me sick .


WIFE : You tell a man something, it goes in one ear and comes out of the other.

HUSBAND : You tell a woman something, it goes in both ears and comes out of the mouth.


GIRL : John says I'm pretty. Andy says I'm ugly.What do u think?

BOY : A bit of both. I think you're pretty ugly.

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So this horse walks into a bar.
The bartender looks at him and says "Hey buddy, why the long face?"

--

(you should really read this one out loud to get the full effect)

A piece of string walks into a bar.
The bartender looks at him and tells him to get lost, this bar doesn't serve string.
So the string leaves the bar and immediately starts beating himself up, messing up his hair, and generally making himself look more like a pretzel.
And the string walks back into the bar.
The bartender looks at him in disbelief and tells him to get lost, this bar doesn't serve string.
The string looks back an the bartender, and without missing a beat says "I'm not a piece of string. Gimmie a budwieser, would ya?"
The bartender says "What are you talking about, you're obviously the piece of string that I just kicked out a minute ago!"
And the string says "No, I'm a frayed knot."

--

So a rabbi, the dalai lama, the pope, and the Ayatollah walk into bar.
The bartender looks and them and says "What is this, some kind of joke?"

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Jim and Edna were both patients in a mental hospital.

One day while they were walking past the hospital swimming pool, Jim suddenly jumped into the deep end.

He sank to the bottom of the pool and stayed there.

Edna promptly jumped in to save him. She swam to the bottom and pulled Jim out.

When the Head Nurse Director became aware of Edna's heroic act, she immediately ordered her to be discharged from the hospital, as she now considered her to be mentally stable.

When she went to tell Edna the news she said, "Edna, I have good news and bad news. The good news is you're being discharged; since you were able to rationally respond to a crisis by jumping in and saving the life of another patient, I have concluded that your act displays sound mindedness. The bad news is, Jim, the patient you saved, hung himself in the bathroom with his bathrobe belt right after you saved him. I am so sorry, but he's dead."

Edna replied, "He didn't hang himself, I put him there to dry. How soon can I go home?”

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Kids:
When asked "What is copulation?"
"That's how many police there are in your neighborhood"

A three legged dog walked in a bar.
Bartender said "you can't come in here! What are you doing here?"
Dog said "I'm looking for the man that shot my paw"

Why are 'dumb blonde' jokes so short?
So brunettes can catch on to them.

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:ha::ha::ha::ha:
Oh my! Spring is taking its sweet time getting here :P
But this sure helps pass the time :D

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A Polish immigrant went to the DMV to apply for a driver's license. First, of course, he had to take an eye sight test. The optician showed him a card with the letters:
'C Z W I X N O S T A C Z'

"Can you read this?" the optician asked.

"Read it?" the Polish guy replied, "I know the guy."

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Dum Kid Jokes! gota love u'm

Why did the Plant that sits in the math class die! answer: because it had square Roots

If Gulls that fly over the sea are Seagulls that what are Gulls that fly over a Bay answer: Bagels

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The CIA had an opening for an assassin. After all the background checks,
interviews and testing were done, there were 3 finalists...2 men and a
woman For the final test, the CIA agents took one of the men to a large
metal door and handed him a gun. "We must know that you will follow your
instructions, no matter what the circumstances.

Inside this room, you will find your wife sitting in a chair. Kill her!"
The man said, "You can't be serious. I could never shoot my wife." The
agent said, "Then you're not the right man for this job. Take your wife
and go home."

The second man was given the same instructions. He took the gun and went
into the room. All was quiet for 5 minutes. Then the man came out with
tears in his eyes. "I tried, but I can't kill my wife."
The agent said, "You don't have what it takes. Take your wife and go
home."

Finally, it was the woman's turn. She was given the same instructions to
kill her husband. She took the gun and went into the room. Shots were
heard, one shot after another, eight in a row. They heard screaming,
crashing, and banging on the walls.
After a few minutes, all was quiet.

Then the door opened slowly and there stood the woman. All bloody, she wiped the sweat from her brow. "The damn gun was loaded with blanks," she screamed. "I had to beat him to death with the chair."

Moral: Never put a woman to the test

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Tog Tan,

This is a thread for dumb jokes, that one is toooooo good!:03:

:ha::ha::ha:

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BEFORE MARRIAGE:

He: Yes. At last. It was so hard to wait.

She: Do you want me to leave?

He: NO! Don't even think about it.

She: Do you love me?

He: Of course! Over and over!

She: Have you ever cheated on me?

He: NO! Why are you even asking?

She: Will you kiss me?

He: Every chance I get!

She: Will you hit me?

He: Are you crazy! I'm not that kind of person!

She: Can I trust you?

He: Yes.

She: Darling!


AFTER MARRIAGE:

Read the above from bottom to top

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A man was in his front yard mowing grass, when his attractive neighbor, a Blonde Playboy model named Judy, came out of her house and went straight to the mailbox. She opened it, then slammed it shut and stormed back into the house.

A little later she came out of her house again, went to the mail box, and again opened it and slammed it shut again. Angrily, back into the house she went.

As the man was getting ready to edge the lawn, she came out again, marched to the mail box, opened it and then slammed it closed harder than ever.

Puzzled by her actions the man asked her, "Judy, is something wrong?"

To which she replied, "There certainly is! My stupid computer keeps saying, YOU'VE GOT MAIL!!!

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This is a just for fun joke that our children brought home on their Nutrition Nuggets paper from school

Q: What's the hardest thing about learning to rollerblade?

A: The ground

Thought that I would share and say hello to everyone at the same time!

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Tog Tan,

I told my wife the CIA joke you posted. I'm just glad she is not interested in working for them!:ha:

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Better not tell her about my Before/After Marriage stupid one below too!:ha:

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:ha::ha::ha: Maybe!:jalapenonaner:

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A man who went for a medical check up was really worried about his results. He couldn’t sleep and when he finally did, the phone rang;

Dr. : Mr. A?

Mr A : Yea.. I have been worried sick. Why haven’t you called?

Dr. : Well, I have some bad news and some really, really bad news…

Mr A : Well, tell me..

Dr. : Your test results showed you have 24 hrs to live. It’s an aggressive infection.

Mr A : If this is bad news, then what is really, really bad news??? It can’t be worse!!!

Dr. : Well, hmm.. I have been trying to contact you since yesterday..