Re: Adults Only Humor
 

:ha::ha::ha::ha:

Re: Adults Only Humor
 

A very tired nurse walks into a bank,
Totally exhausted after an 18-hour shift.
Preparing to write a check,
She pulls a rectal thermometer out of her purse
And tries to write with it.
When she realizes her mistake,
She looks at the flabbergasted teller
And without missing a beat, she says:
'Well, that's great....that's just great....
Some *******'s got my pen!'

Re: Adults Only Humor
 

One day a farmer's donkey fell down into a
well. The animal cried piteously for hours as
the farmer tried to figure out what to do.
Finally he decided that the donkey was old,
the well needed to be filled in anyway, so
it just wasn't worth it to retrieve the donkey.

He invited all his neighbors to come over and
help him. They all grabbed a shovel and began
to shovel dirt into the well. At first, the
donkey realized what was happening and cried
horribly. Then, to everyone's amazement he
quieted down.

A few shovel loads later, the farmer finally
looked down the well. He was astonished at what
he saw. With each shovel of dirt that hit his
back, the donkey was doing something amazing.
He would shake it off and take a step up.

As the farmer's neighbors continued to shovel
dirt on top of the animal, he would shake it
off and take a step up.

Pretty soon, everyone was amazed as the donkey
stepped up over the edge of the well and
happily trotted off!
*****
Life is going to shovel dirt on you, all kinds
of dirt. The trick to getting out of the well
is to shake it off and take a step up. Each of
our troubles is a steppingstone. We can get out
of the deepest wells just by not stopping,
never giving up! Shake it off and take a step up.

Remember the five simple rules to be happy:

Free your heart from hatred - Forgive.

Free your mind from worries - Most never happen.

Live simply and appreciate what you have.

Give more.

Expect less

NOW .......

Enough of that crap. The donkey later came back,
and bit the farmer who had tried to bury him.
The gash from the bite got infected and
the farmer eventually died in agony from septic shock.



MORAL FROM TODAY'S LESSON:

When you do something wrong, and try to cover
your ass, it always comes back to bite you.



:bananas_b

Re: Adults Only Humor
 

I have to share, my son and his family were here this weekend from Anchorage AK and my 5 year old grandaughter had to share a joke with me so I told her I would tell you folks.
Why did the banana go to the doctor?

Because he didn't peel well. Have a great day!

Re: Adults Only Humor
 

Hey Joan, nice avatar!! :)

Re: Adults Only Humor
 

Well, it's time that I finally share somethin' from my very large photobook, enjoy people. :D



One of the VIP series in Central Europe.


Actually Stella Artois isn't that good ;)


I love his smile...


Killed nana.


Yeah, nature :D





also this one, labelled as 'I love USA, especially San Francisco':


Black sheep of the family?



And FINALLY, for Ante and other technicians like me:

Re: Adults Only Humor
 

My favourite part of this video is Hello joke :D , time index 4:57. I actually use it when someone calls with private number and after I answer I find out it's someone I wouldn't like to talk to right now ;) :

There are also 2 interesting videos to watch, neither Dutch (talking about handicaps created during medical surgeries) nor German is needed to understand... Enjoy

YouTube - Public-access TV host bombarded with prank calls.
YouTube - TV Moderator laughs his ass off
YouTube - Laugh in TV


Also T-Dawg :D

YouTube - Prank Call to Live Call-In Show (T-Dawg)

Re: Adults Only Humor
 

And now for some better Family Guy scenes (yeah I know, some of them are silly, but once you go beyind that offensive layer, it's quite funny...):


This one's actually good ;)
YouTube - I remember Cecil


I love this Italian speaking :D
YouTube - Family Guy - Speaking Italian


How the Star Wars began....
YouTube - Family Guy - Meter Maid Darth Vader


Frog Prince:
YouTube - The Frog Prince


What a show:
YouTube - A Dog on the $25,000 Pyramid

Re: Adults Only Humor
 

92 yr old man sat on bench crying his eyes out.

"What's wrong with you old man?" a passer by asks.

"It's my 22 yr old girlfriend, she wants sex twice before breakfast, once before lunch, twice after dinner and twice again before we sleep!"

"So what's the problem?" the passer by asks.

The old man replies "I can't remember where I live..............":ha::ha::ha::0517::02:

Re: Adults Only Humor
 

And the nonsense goes on...

Re: Adults Only Humor
 

If those pics annoy you instead of make some fun, PM me. :D

Re: Adults Only Humor
 

Best damned dog story I ever heard




Three dogs are sitting in the waiting room at the vet's when they strike up a conversation.


The black Lab turns to the chocolate Lab and says, "So why are you here?"

The Chocolate Lab replies, "I'm a pisser. I piss on everything....the sofa, the curtains, the cat, the kids. But the final straw was last night when I pissed in the middle of my owner's bed."
The black Lab says, "So what is the vet going to do?""Gonna cut my nuts off," comes the reply from the chocolate Lab. "They reckon it'll calm me down."
The black Lab then turns to the yellow lab and asks, "Why are you here?"
The yellow Lab says, "I'm a digger I dig under fences, dig up flowers and trees. I dig just for the hell of it. When I'm inside, I dig up the carpets. But I went over the line last night when I dug a great big hole in my owners couch.""So what are they going to do to you?" the black Lab inquires."Looks like I'm losing my nuts too, the dejected yellow Lab says.
The yellow Lab then turns to the black Lab and asks, "Why are you here?""I'm a humper," the black Lab says. "I'll hump anything. I'll hump the cat, a pillow, the table, whatever. I want to hump everything I see. Yesterday, my owner had just got out of the shower and was bending down to dry her toes. I just couldn't help myself. I hopped on her back and started hammering away"The yellow and chocolate Labs exchange a sad glance and says, "So, nuts off for you too, huh?"The black Lab says ...."No, I'm here to get my nails clipped."

Re: Adults Only Humor
 

Never really ventured into this thread till now but its not fair to some who had their content removed due to breach of the rules, and allow this thread to remain.
Hate to do it but the thread is now locked. Please refrain from posting adult-only content, or anything else really that could be considered obscene. Even with disclaimers in the title. I know this decision will be questioned by some and it might not seem like a lot of fun to live with but overall we need to draw a line somewhere and enforce the rules we have had since inception.