momoese

Parenting skills vs teenage behavior.

I ran across this video on another site and just thought I'd see what my fellow banana growing friends think about it.

My wife and I have been discussing this for hours it seems. We are both in some agreement.

My thought is chicken or egg, which came first, bad behavior or poor parenting skills? And some other things.

There is some cussing although it's not horrible by my standards.

As most of you know I'm not a parent, but I am a son, and one with quite a childhood history.

So what do you think about this?

Nicolas Naranja

I absolutely hated chores as a teenager, and this was essentially the parenting I got. I got kicked out on my 17th birthday because I didn't have a job. It was crap, but it was the real world. I had 12 different roomates throughout college and I discovered that most of them had zero household skills. They couldn't cook, clean, do laundry or balance a checkbook. I do debate though what I would have become had I had supportive parents like my wife did. I learned how to hustle. If I wanted something I had to just get it myself. My senior year of high school I was working overnights at a packing house to pay for gas and insurance and food. I wouldn't want my future kids to go through that. I missed out on prom, I missed out on being a football player, and I missed out on a lot of good opportunities. Life is hard, the sooner you figure it out and the sooner you accept it the better.

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Some people go bananas, I went plantains.

nannerfunboi

i think many of us thought we had the worlds worst
parents.. until.. yep.. we had kids.. LOL
i think now.. wow.. i had it so good.. and i had/have
an EXTREME case of adhd.. lol why my folks didnt kill me
is a wonder..
my one boy..at 16/17.. wow.. there were times.. i wanted life
over..
i never swore.. not really the "bad words".. till he was 16.. LOL
i wouldnt trade it in for the world though..
go figure....

trebor

I raised my share of children! I even took in some strays a time or two. My wife and I I should say! We both did it together.. One thing ya need to learn rite away .Children learn by what you do.. And emulate your behaviors all throughout their lives.. Posting a tape back on face book was not a bad Idea . But showing rage by shooting a lap top live on tape is poor judgment..
WOW I just can't put into words how wrong the gun thing was … He's probably a great Dad and a heck of a good person.. I kinda think its things like that that get all them “ No guns ” folks the fuel they need to keep on whining about those “GUNS”
His daughter learned her Dad will shoot her stuff ! She also learned to be violent when she cant find a solution. Yes she needed to do her home chores! And apologize to her family live on a post on face book .. her friends would have yakked at her for having been made to post a film rebutting her out burst.. Now her friends will never allow her to forget her Dad shoots at computers

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If ya can't eat it, it ain't growing in my back yard !

Nicolas Naranja

I rebelled against my father and step-father. My dad was a felon and my step dad was extremely paranoid. Both of them heavy users of marijuana. We played a lot of paintball, but it wasn't for fun it was to prepare for the race wars that were coming in the the year 2000. Utter crazy non-sense but in theory I have been trained for guerilla warfare in the forest. I got yelled out for not providing cover fire in a paintball game "in real life people lose their lives"

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Some people go bananas, I went plantains.

palmtree

Well I think that posting this video on her facebook was genious. That was a good idea, but the rest isnt so great.
First of all, she's a 15 year old girl. Of course she's going to have some negative things to say about her parents, most teenagers too. Its not that she actually means what she says, but it also doesnt mean she shouldnt be punished.

Heres what I would have done...

- Definitely post a video response on her facebook telling her how wrong it and humiliate her.
- Definitely take her computer away for 2 weeks (thats a very long time for a kid)
- She would have to apologize on Facebook for what she said and apologize to the cleaning lady who really shouldnt have had anything to do with this.

Now this is what the father did wrong.

- All he cares about is the money. $130 for the software. $1 for the bullets. She needs a job. She has to buy her own computer back WHEN ALLOWED TO. It shouldnt be all about the money. Does he realize how hard it is for a teenager, or anyone, to get a job these days. Plus I personally do not believe that 15 year olds should have a job. They should be focused more on school and being a kid. My mom always said "you have your entire life to work" and she's right. 17-18 is a good age to start getting a part time job IMO.

- He shot her computer. That really wasn't very fair. You pretty much threw her christmas gift in the trash. Do you really think that she is going to respect you for that? She's not. She's going to hate you anymore. Maybe she'll run away.

And obviously they arent doing something right to begin with.
He says that she got grounded for 3 months because she did a "little childish" thing wrong that he doesnt remember. Why would you ground your daughter for 12 weeks if it wasnt that serious? That was way too harsh.
What kind of kid hates her parents enough to say that she wont take care of them when she's old? The kind of kid who doesnt like her parents. And kids dont like their parents when they give them a list of things to do with no reward and they get no love or affection.

The world is a tough place. Home should be that one place you can go where you dont have the harsh problems of reality. You shouldnt have to be forced to work at that age. You should be enjoying your time with friends and family because once you have a real job you will lose out on those opportunities.

Now I really want to see a video response from the daughter, assuming her parents didnt lock her in her room yet.

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Location: New York City, zone 7b

Jack Daw

OOOH! Great topic, great video.
Firstly, I LOOOOVED the accent. It sounded very southern. Can anybody localize it to a specific region?

Secondly - agreed, that post was out of line, frankly, for other than educational, work and scientific purposes, I wouldn't let a kid use the computer. It's from the word "compute" - make calculations instead of human. That's what it was invented to do. Work and science.

Thirdly - coming from Europe, it's ridiculous to see that sort of behaviour. I mean... fire a gun? To shoot a PC? Come on. Drive over it with a car, but weapons? That's a weapon abuse, don't you think?


Life doesn't have to be. You are just living in a system that imprints this idea on people and survives only by dividing them and making them fight others to earn their living and commodities. Acceptance is surrendering to that ill system, defiance is what can move this system forward.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Nicolas Naranja I rebelled against my father and step-father. My dad was a felon and my step dad was extremely paranoid. Both of them heavy users of marijuana. We played a lot of paintball, but it wasn't for fun it was to prepare for the race wars that were coming in the the year 2000. Utter crazy non-sense but in theory I have been trained for guerilla warfare in the forest. I got yelled out for not providing cover fire in a paintball game "in real life people lose their lives"

I mean, seriously? I haven't heard a more absurd story in the last few years. WOW!

People are naturally pacifists. They do not want to fight, they do not want to kill, they do not want to die and they do not want to make problems to anybody.
Such behaviour here would classify your dad and step-dad to be taken to a very specialized institution dealing with mental disorders. Incredible. They would be lucky to even see you after that sort of "education".

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Thnx to Marcel, Ante, Dr. Chiranjit Parmar and Francesco for the plants I've received.



Zeitgeist - Corporatocracy 101 (~2hrs)

Zeitgeist - Moving Forward (~2.5hrs)

palmtree

Apparently he has a facebook and it says he is from Albemarle, NC which is a rural part of North Carolina somewhere between Raliegh and Charlotte.

Rural parts of the US have loose rules on guns (compared to cities) so its a lot easier to have them in areas like rural North Carolina. Some parts of the southeast require every household to have a gun, but they do need to have them put away in a certain way.
On his facebook it says that the police and social services both came to check out his house and make sure the kids werent in danger (they were especially concerned about the gun), but everything was done in a safe and legal matter so he is not in any trouble.
Seems like he has a very equal share of negative and postive feedback.

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Location: New York City, zone 7b

Jack Daw

WOW.

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Thnx to Marcel, Ante, Dr. Chiranjit Parmar and Francesco for the plants I've received.



Zeitgeist - Corporatocracy 101 (~2hrs)

Zeitgeist - Moving Forward (~2.5hrs)

Nicolas Naranja

Strangely, my step-father got a check from the VA every month for his mental disorder. For some reason, post traumatic stress and paranoia don't disqualify people from owning an arsenal of weaponry. We had an AR-15 behind the front door. I didn't think much of it until I realized that other people didn't grow up that way when I got to college. Crazy people hang out together so the set of family friends we had were also hard living vietnam vets who liked guns. All I can say is that this country is in for it with all the PTSD veterans coming back from Iraq and Afghanistan.

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Some people go bananas, I went plantains.

momoese

Yug

If his description of the 'chores' is accurate, that girl has things easy; very easy. Sounds like she hasn't had to actually earn much of anything in her life.

I had a job at 11 (not a paperboy), and I generally had 2 part-time jobs in HS, and for a while I had 3. Sounds like the guy was frustrated because he didn't seem to get the girl to change her ways by his earlier tactics. I had a daughter, and about that age was when she really became a handful. The influence of others her age was probably the greatest problem.

JD - That cat photo looks 'very' familiar.

Nicolas Naranja

I think the difficult trick to raising a kid would be how to encourage proper behavior and discourage bad behavior. I don't have any kids yet but the life of my childhood best friend kind of scares me. His parents did things by the book, they kept tabs on him, didn't let him run wild had high morals in their house. They had dinner together every night. It was like a 1950s sitcom. When he went to college he went buck wild and got deep into drugs got arrested several times and flunked out. So I figure in the midst of all the craziness, my parents must have instilled in me an innate fear of failure that kept me from screwing up too bad.

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Some people go bananas, I went plantains.

harveyc

I think the video was mostly a bit funny but don't really know enough of the history of the family to make any judgment about whether the punishment was fit or the source of the problems (chicken or egg). Among the parents there has been a failed marriage, so that might be some clue, but a kid can just use that as an excuse as well. I had to do chores, a lot of stuff that I hated, but I saw the benefit of it and viewed it as necessary and think the chores made me learn the value of work. Many of us work to earn money, primarily, but it's best if we can also strive to make our world/community a better place.

The girl had been grounded before and her response was her little tirade that the father read. Grounding her for two weeks from the computer is not sufficient, IMO. I don't consider shooting the computer "violent". Some folks are just too afraid of guns. Guns are not a problem anywhere, it's bad people with guns or other weapons that are the problem. I lettered in high school by being on the rifle team. I don't think poking holes in paper was more violent than boys elbowing an opponent in basketball or sacking the opposing team's quarterback. I think shooting the laptop added some fun drama to the video is all.

Parents owe their children love. Children owe their parents love and respect. My son turns 14 in a few days and gets a bit testy at times but that's part of learning independence as boundaries are tested, but we've not had any serious issues and we're confident he's going to be a fine citizen. I've got a tomato project lined up for him this summer (to sell tomatoes to a couple of local outlets) and he's looking forward to it and not whining.

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Yug

I just read where this guy was paid a visit by the local police - they thought is was pretty good!

Worm_Farmer

Now lets hear from his Daughter.

momoese

I do believe that's a fake. Her profile says she's 28 and she has no southern accent.

harveyc

Reading this guy's Facebook page makes me think he's pretty cool.

He writes pretty good, I think. Nice how he addressed some poor media reporting:

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