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Tiki Hut All other posts go here. Banana jokes, travel stories, anything else you would like to chat about.


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Old 12-09-2009, 07:57 PM   #401 (permalink)
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0 to 200 in 6 seconds

Bob was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was
really pissed.

She told him "Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the
driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds AND IT BETTER BE THERE !!"

The next morning he got up early and left for work. When his wife woke
up, she looked out the window and sure enough there was a box
gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway.

Confused, the wife put on her robe and ran out to the driveway, and brought
the box back in the house.

She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale.

Bob has been missing since Friday!
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Old 12-09-2009, 07:59 PM   #402 (permalink)
 
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Hahahahahaha!!!! Too funny!

: )
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Old 12-09-2009, 08:13 PM   #403 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by BananaLee View Post
That's really offensive...
I thought so too...esp at Christmas time
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Old 12-09-2009, 08:56 PM   #404 (permalink)
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Really? Some of the best jokes I ever heard (ROFLMAO) were jokes about dumb kids! And how old am I?
Actually, I find fueling flames offensive, Especially at Christmas Time! Peace on Earth, Good Will towards men.... !

If I knew a good joke, I'd post it... immediately! We could use a little more Humor here!
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Old 12-09-2009, 09:18 PM   #405 (permalink)
 
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: )
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Old 12-09-2009, 10:12 PM   #406 (permalink)
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Hey I'm Catholic and I thought it was very funny (cause its a Joke).. Well since most of the priests in trouble are caught molesting boys and such...
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Old 12-10-2009, 06:37 AM   #407 (permalink)
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Painful to watch..

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Old 12-10-2009, 06:41 AM   #408 (permalink)
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I LOVE this skit!

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Old 12-10-2009, 12:01 PM   #409 (permalink)
 
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Very painful to watch! Lol!
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Old 12-10-2009, 12:12 PM   #410 (permalink)
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That one reminds me of this one. I give you Miss Teen South Carolina!


Last edited by momoese : 01-28-2010 at 07:08 PM.
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Old 12-10-2009, 12:20 PM   #411 (permalink)
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by supermario View Post
Painful to watch..

Now that is stupidity at it's worst. I am so ashamed to be blonde!!!

: o
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Old 12-10-2009, 12:51 PM   #412 (permalink)
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Quote:
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That one reminds me of this one. I give you Miss Teen South Carolina!

[YT]Yxe_kwc8klw[/YT]
LOL! I love how only one person briefly claps at the end.
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Old 12-10-2009, 02:42 PM   #413 (permalink)
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Miss teen USA South Carolina could... ROFLMAO... Def bring back dumb blonde jokes... ROFLMAO... As for SNL Peyton Manning, ROFLMAO... I sure LOVE my parents! Pleeeeeease dont let anything happen to them!!!!.... Oh, and remind me NEVER to move to Santa Cruz.... ROFLMAO ROFLMAO!!!!!!
Thanx guys!!!!!!
Vegie trees at a farmer's market!?!?!?!?!?!?!!!! Def gotta see that!!
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Old 12-10-2009, 03:25 PM   #414 (permalink)
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by momoese View Post
That one reminds me of this one. I give you Miss Teen South Carolina!

[YT]Yxe_kwc8klw[/YT]
I heard better ideas out of a 3 year old! ROFLMAO!!!!
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Old 12-10-2009, 05:20 PM   #415 (permalink)
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That "Brilliant Woman" has a great future on Capital Hill! I don't think I've ever heard a better political campaign speech! - ROFLMFAO
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Old 12-10-2009, 09:25 PM   #416 (permalink)
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Well I see some people don't think before they open their mouths..
The Peyton Manning skit is hilarious...
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Old 12-11-2009, 11:46 AM   #417 (permalink)
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Company Memo

FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director

TO: All Employees

DATE: October 1, 2009

RE: Gala Christmas Party

I'm happy to inform you that the company Christmas Party will take place on December 23rd, starting at noon in the private function room at the Grill House. There will be a cash bar and plenty of drinks! We'll have a small band playing traditional carols... feel free to sing along. And don't be surprised if our CEO shows up dressed as Santa Claus! A Christmas tree will be lit at 1:00 PM. Exchanges of gifts among employees can be done at that time; however, no gift should be over $10.00 to make the giving of gifts easy for everyone's pockets. This gathering is only for employees!

Our CEO will make a special announcement at that time!

Merry Christmas to you and your family,

Patty



Company Memo

FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director

TO: All Employees

DATE: October 2, 2009

RE: Gala Holiday Party

In no way was yesterday's memo intended to exclude our Jewish employees. We recognize that Hanukkah is an important holiday, which often coincides with Christmas, though unfortunately not this year. However, from now on, we're calling it our "Holiday Party." The same policy applies to any other employees who are not Christians and to those still celebrating Reconciliation Day. There will be no Christmas tree and no Christmas carols will be sung. We will have other types of music for your enjoyment.

Happy now?

Happy Holidays to you and your family,

Patty


Company Memo

FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director

TO: All Employees

DATE: October 3, 2009

RE: Holiday Party

Regarding the note I received from a member of Alcoholics Anonymous requesting a non-drinking table, you didn't sign your name. I'm happy to accommodate this request, but if I put a sign on a table that reads, "AA Only", you wouldn't be anonymous anymore. How am I supposed to handle this?

Somebody?

And sorry, but forget about the gift exchange, no gifts are allowed since the union members feel that $10.00 is too much money and the executives believe $10.00 is a little chintzy.

REMEMBER: NO GIFTS EXCHANGE WILL BE ALLOWED.


Company Memo

FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director

To: All Employees

DATE: October 4, 2009

RE: Generic Holiday Party

What a diverse group we are! I had no idea that December 20th begins the Muslim holy month of Ramadan, which forbids eating and drinking during daylight hours. There goes the party! Seriously, we can appreciate how a luncheon at this time of year does not accommodate our Muslim employees' beliefs. Perhaps the Grill House can hold off on serving your meal until the end of the party or else package everything for you to take it home in little foil doggy baggy. Will that work?

Meanwhile, I've arranged for members of Weight Watchers to sit farthest from the dessert buffet, and pregnant women will get the table closest to the restrooms.

Gays are allowed to sit with each other. Lesbians do not have to sit with Gay men, each group will have their own table. Yes, there will be flower arrangement for the Gay men's table.

To the person asking permission to cross dress, the Grill House asks that no cross-dressing be allowed, apparently because of concerns about confusion in the restrooms. Sorry.

We will have booster seats for short people.

Low-fat food will be available for those on a diet.

I am sorry to report that we cannot control the amount of salt used in the food. The Grill House suggests that people with high blood pressure taste a bite first.

There will be fresh "low sugar" fruits as dessert for diabetics, but the restaurant cannot supply "no sugar" desserts. Sorry!

Did I miss anything?!?!?

Patty


Company Memo

FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director

TO: All F*%^ing Employees

DATE: October 5, 2009

RE: The F*%^ing Holiday Party

I've had it with you vegetarian pricks!!! We're going to keep this party at the Grill House whether you like it or not, so you can sit quietly at the table furthest from the "grill of death," as you so quaintly put it, and you'll get your f*%^ing salad bar, including organic tomatoes. But you know, tomatoes have feelings, too. They scream when you slice them. I've heard them scream. I'm hearing them scream right NOW!

The rest of you f*%^ing weirdoes can kiss my *ss. I hope you all have a rotten holiday!

Drive drunk and die,

The B*tch from H*ll!!!



Company Memo

FROM: Joan Bishop, Acting Human Resources Director

DATE: October 6, 2009

RE: Patty Lewis and Holiday Party

I'm sure I speak for all of us in wishing Patty Lewis a speedy recovery and I'll continue to forward your cards to her.

In the meantime, management has decided to cancel our Holiday Party and give everyone the afternoon of the 23rd off with full pay.

Happy Holidays!

Joan
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Old 12-12-2009, 05:37 PM   #418 (permalink)
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This could be THE best anti-drug commercial ever

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Old 12-12-2009, 05:48 PM   #419 (permalink)
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Old 12-12-2009, 05:50 PM   #420 (permalink)
 
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