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View Full Version : My wife's birthday present.


alpha010
04-01-2009, 07:53 PM
This year my wife came up to me and said "For my birthday, I expect something sitting in the driveway that goes 0-200 in under 10 seconds"


So, I bought her a scale.....(insert rim shot, or gunshot depending on gender)

Shaggy

mskitty38583
04-01-2009, 08:30 PM
oh that got you into a LOT of trouble....i think an iron would have been better....or a toaster.

alpha010
04-01-2009, 08:40 PM
lol....

Richard
04-01-2009, 08:42 PM
:woohoonaner:

austinl01
04-01-2009, 09:37 PM
Good one. Ha ha...

just j
04-01-2009, 10:08 PM
lmfao

Moonshiner
04-01-2009, 10:09 PM
ba-da-BOOM!

Where's Rodney when you need him?

My wife has cut me down to once a month. I'm lucky. I know two guys she cut off completely.

I come from a stupid family. During the Civil War my great uncle fought for the West.

When I was born, the doctor said to my father, " I'm sorry, we did everything we could but he still pulled through".

I could tell my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and a radio.

I remember the time I was kidnapped and they sent back a piece of my finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof.

My wife only has sex with me for a purpose. Last night it was to time an egg.

A girl phoned me and said, "Come on over there's nobody home". So I went over. There was nobody home.

During sex my wife always wants to talk to me. Just the other night she called me from a hotel.

I just bought a new Japanese car, then turned on the radio. I don't understand a word they're saying.

Bananaman88
04-02-2009, 01:02 PM
Those sound like the one-liners one of the contestants used to do one season of "Last Comic Standing". I can't remember his name. He only did one-liners and he almost always wore overalls, with a blazer draped over one arm. Pretty funny stuff.

Tog Tan
04-02-2009, 01:51 PM
The best birthday present I would send my exwife is a reverse version of the wedding tape;

You will see her taking off the wedding tape, then walking back down the aisle, and then comes the best part - she gets into the car and bloody *%#$# off!

Disclaimer; if anything happens to any of you, I didn't suggest the above.

Michael_Andrew
04-02-2009, 02:03 PM
Tog we are almost related. I was married to that same woman!

alpha010
04-02-2009, 03:57 PM
Crap, I am married to her..........................

Tog Tan
04-02-2009, 04:02 PM
Crap, I am married to her..........................

Tog we are almost related. I was married to that same woman!

Remember the song by Peaches and Herbs (I think)...We are family...

alpha010
04-02-2009, 04:11 PM
....I got all my sistahs n me!

Chironex
04-02-2009, 08:40 PM
Those are vintage Rodney Dangerfield one-liners. One of the best.
Sex is scary I tell ya, last time I had sex, I was all alone.

My wife, what a tramp. She told me I was one in a million - I found out she wasn't lying.

I grew up in a tough neighborhood. Tough I tell ya, even the babies wore black leather diapers.